去年底到朋友家吃火鍋跨年，席間有位新加坡的同學對電視節目頗有研究，眉飛色舞地跟大家盤點她從小到大看過的台灣綜藝，而我操著一口台灣腔，卻愣是沒有一個節目有印象，結果當然是被友善地群嘲了——大家笑著問我：「妳小時候的時間都花在哪兒了？」
自從九二一大地震震壞了家裡的有線電視後，爸爸媽媽決定乾脆不續訂第四臺，所以我八歲起幾乎就跟電視絕緣了。往後多年，我對沒有電視的生活習以為常，直到上了大學之後，才漸漸從朋友們身上發現，其實電視在大部分千禧世代的成長過程中，扮演了很重要的角色，而我不看電視的後果，就是常常跟流行文化脫節，或是在平時的對話中接不住梗。我已經數不清第幾次被問，如果我不看電視的話，我大把大把的時間究竟花在哪裡了？
小時候不看電視的時間，我做了許多其他事情，其中佔最大部分的應該算是看書了（不是「唸書」，我到了國中後半段才開始懂的如何唸書的）。爸爸媽媽都是愛書之人，他們平時生活頗為節儉，但是買起書來卻從不吝惜，所以以前我們家最多的東西就是書，客廳裡滿滿一整牆。即使我們後來搬了好幾次家，客廳裡的大書牆卻從來都沒有離開過我們。週末爸爸媽媽常帶我們去中友百貨，我往十樓的誠品書店一鑽，找一本書、一個安靜的角落，就可以泡上一整天。誠品是我心中特別的回憶，所以長大以後，每次經過任何一家誠品書店，我都會忍不住進去轉一圈。
小學的時候，我喜歡各式各樣的故事書。我記得媽媽幫我買的第一套書是注音版的《兒童讀史記》，精裝的書皮、美麗的插畫、詳細地註釋，都讓我對這套書愛不釋手。當時我不知道《史記》的歷史和文學地位，只覺得書中的每一個章節都是一個逸趣橫生的故事，讓我一遍又一遍地反覆閱讀，不能自已。（我猜我日後對歷史的熱愛，應該是這個時候就埋下的種子。）後來注音版的東方少年文庫、東方少年古典小說、亞森羅蘋全集……等等，我也是餓虎撲羊般一套一套地讀。等到我識字夠多、不再需要注音之後，就跟著爸爸看遠流的小說三十六計和各式各樣的歷史人物傳記。現在想想，以前看書似乎是看得有些走火入魔了；四年級有一次生病住院，我看《努爾哈赤》看到一半，結果我對自己的病情滿不在乎，卻急著想知道努爾哈赤在寧遠被袁崇煥擊敗之後究竟怎麼樣了，爸爸只好無奈地幫我把書從家裡帶到醫院，在病床邊唸給我聽。病癒出院時，學校的功課落後了一個多禮拜，但是一套《努爾哈赤》倒是看完了。小時候看這些書，只是覺得情節有趣，直到年歲漸長，才發現這些書對我三觀的養成、對文化的重視、待人處事的原則（還有各種國文考試瞎猜的正確率）都有著關鍵性的影響。
剛上國中時，我繼續沉迷於歷史小說，但是國二第一次接觸到金庸小說之後，剩餘的國中時光就在一遍又一遍地看著金庸的十四部作品中度過了。國中有了升學壓力，買新書、看新書的時間變少了，但是我們家裡的三十六本修訂版金庸小說，基本上都被我反反覆覆地翻爛了。我喜歡金庸豐富立體的人物刻畫、精彩紛呈的小說情節、底蘊豐厚的文筆，更喜歡他的「俠之大者，為國為民」。許多令我印象深刻的場面，比方說《飛狐外傳》中的程靈素之死，或是《連城訣》中狄雲火化丁典，我到現在還是看一次哭一次。出國之後，我不管搬到哪裡，都帶著一部金庸小說，前年生日時，我乾脆直接從博客來訂了一整套世紀新修版寄到美國。現在雖然沒有像國中時天天看，但是家裡有這麼一套書鎮著，就能讓我感到無比心安。如果我是一幅遠揚的風箏，金庸小說就是風箏線，我不管飛多遠，它都聯繫著我的文化、我的家鄉。
上了高中以後，升學的壓力更大了，尤其是我開始承擔兩份課業之後，就沒什麼時間看課外書了。好在高三時，國文老師每個禮拜都會要求一位同學在課堂上分享讀書心得，於是我終於得以以此為藉口，重新看起了課外書。在經歷了班上同學分享各式各樣的書籍之後，我也踏出了歷史和文學的舒適圈，開始接觸更多不同類型的書，也開始認識了經濟學（《蘋果橘子經濟學》、《不確定的世界》、《貨幣戰爭》、《狂飆的十年》……等等，都是這段時間讀的，雖然內容不如歷史小說有趣，但是對我在經濟學知識的啟蒙卻是不可或缺。）終於考上大學後，我開始死命地看課外書，彷彿要把高中三年錯過的書在三個月內看完，我現在嫏嬛閣裡的讀書心得，有一大半都是上大學前的暑假寫的。
到了美國之後，我看書的重點漸漸地從娛樂轉向實用，一來因為在美國要找好看的中文書著實不易，二來因為各方面的學習曲線都很陡峭，所以我看得比較多的是勵志和跟自己專業相關的書籍。雖然我盡量提醒自己，在忙碌的生活中依然要保持閱讀的習慣，但是在美國不管是閱讀的數量還是速度，跟以前那種廢寢忘食的勁頭相比都是不可同日而語的，大概是因為以前看書不是為了考試或其他目的，純粹就是喜歡吧！現在我看書看得最多最快的時候，幾乎都是每年回台灣的兩三個禮拜，因為爸爸每年都會買很多新書，而我回家時，就從他高高的一落新書中挑選，能看完幾本算幾本。在美國，最近兩三年我偶爾也會看看網路小說，因為說到底我還是比較喜歡看中文書，而且很多我喜歡看的書都有些年代了，所以我對現在大家都流行看些什麼書感到好奇。在網路小說的世界中，我不常看到讓我感到經典的書，但是我發現即是我對一本書的題材不是特別感興趣，只要它有一些特定的閃光點，像是層次豐富的人物刻畫、懸疑緊湊的情節、和題材匹配的文筆、成長的主旋律、作者透過故事表達出的價值觀……等等，依然能讓我看得津津有味。以青春校園小說來說，大部分我是看不完的，因為我對校園愛情的主題沒有共鳴，但是我卻很喜歡看主角們唸書、做題、考試、競賽、逐夢、課外活動這一類的細節，因為我能從中咂摸出自己的青春。在認真地看了好幾年實用的書籍之後，這種隨性的看書模式，倒有點像是回到了小時候，純粹就是圖個喜歡。
我覺得自己很幸運，因為閱讀是一個可以陪伴我一輩子的習慣。看書能讓我學習新知、讓我的精神和心靈感到充實；有意義的情節和與之相配的文筆，能讓我看得如癡如醉、心潮澎湃；刻畫成功的人物和他們完整的角色弧光，能讓我產生神交已久的錯覺；遇到逆境時，即使書本不能給我答案，我卻常常能在書中找到共鳴，書本有時候還能提點一些方向。小時候，我很奢侈地把大把大把的時間花在看書上，現在沒有那麼多時間，能讓我看得入迷書也越來越不好找，但是我依然希望自己能繼續保持著閱讀的習慣、充實自己的精神生活，直到生命的最後一天。
On the last day of 2021, I went to a friend’s place for hot pot. During dinner, there was a Singaporean girl who is extremely knowledgeable about Taiwanese TV shows. She went through all the Taiwanese variety shows she watched growing up with tons of energy and excitement. On the other hand, I, as the only authentic Taiwanese at the table, barely know anything about any of the shows she mentioned. This resulted in a friendly group mockery, and everyone was curious about how I spent all my time as a kid if I didn’t watch TV.
The TV cables at my home were damaged during the Chi-Chi earthquake in 1999. My parents decided not to renew our cable TV subscription after that, so TV has not been a part of my life since I was 8. I am very used to my life without TV and never thought anything was missing. It wasn’t until college did I learn from my friends that TV actually played a significant role in many Millennials’ lives growing up. Therefore, not watching TV directly resulted in me being very out of touch with pop culture, missing references in conversations, and getting lots of questions about how I spent my time growing up.
I did a lot of things when I was not watching TV, and reading perhaps accounted for the most part. (Not to be confused with studying. I didn’t really know how to study until I was halfway through middle school.) My parents both love books. They are usually pretty frugal, but they never hesitate to spend money on books. Therefore, the most abundant items in our home are books. We have a wall full of books in our living room. Even though we moved several times, the giant bookshelves in our living room followed us everywhere. On weekends, my parents often took us to Chungyo Department Store. I usually went straight to the Eslite Bookstore on the 10th floor. I would find a book and a quiet corner and spend all my day there. Therefore, Eslite Bookstores hold a special place in my heart. Whenever I walk by an Eslite Bookstore, I could never help but go in and walk around for a little bit even if I am not planning on buying any books.
In elementary school, I loved all kinds of storybooks. I still remember the first set of books my mom bought me: the kid’s edition of Records of the Grand Historian with phonetic notations. I loved the beautiful hardcover, the lively illustrations, and thorough annotations. Back then I did not know the historical and literary importance of Records; I simply thought each chapter was an interesting story, and I could not help but read through the books over and over again. (I think this might have been the genesis of my obsession with history.) After that, I read sets and sets of books as if there were no tomorrow, such as World Classics for the Youth by the Eastern Publishing Company, Eastern Classic Novels, and the Arsène Lupin books, just to name a few. Eventually, I recognized enough words and no longer needed phonetic notations, so I started to read my dad’s historical fictions and all kinds of biographies. Now that I think of it, sometimes I might have gone a little too far with my reading. For example, I was once hospitalized in fourth grade, and halfway through reading Nurhaci. When I was in the hospital, I paid very little attention to my illness because I only wanted to know what happened to Nurhaci after he lost the Battle of Ningyuan. My dad ended up bringing the books to the hospital and reading them to me by my bed. When I was finally discharged, I was over a week behind on my schoolwork, but I did finish the whole set of Nurhaci. When I read these books as a kid, I was simply intrigued by the storylines. It wasn’t until later did I realize these books played a critical role in shaping my values, character, and principles, as well as my respect for culture and knowledge.
When I started middle school, I continued to immerse myself in historical fictions. However, after I read Jin Yong’s novels for the first time, I spent the rest of my middle school reading his 14 novels over and over again. Since schoolwork became more demanding in middle school, I had less time to buy and read new books. Yet the 36 volumes of Jin Yong’s novels we had at home were pretty much all worn out because I read them so much. I love how he built his characters, how he designed his plots, and his incredible writing style. I also love his rich references to Chinese culture and the underlying themes of traditional Chinese values in his novels. After I came to the US, I have always had a few volumes of Jin Yong’s novels with me no matter where I moved. On my birthday in 2020, I went ahead and ordered a full set of the New Century Edition online and shipped them straight to San Leandro. Nowadays, I don’t read them every day like I used to do in middle school, but having this set of books at home makes my heart feel at peace. If I were a flying kite, Jin Yong’s novels are like the kite string — no matter how far I fly, they will always connect me to my culture and my home.
In high school, schoolwork became even more stressful. After I decided to apply to colleges both in the US and in Taiwan, I barely had any time to read. Thankfully, in my last year of high school, our Chinese teacher would ask a student in our class to share a book report in each session. Therefore, I got to use this as an excuse to do pleasure reading so that I could write book reports. After hearing from my classmates and learning about the different genres of books they read, I started to step out of my comfort zone of history and literature. I began to learn about economics and read books such as Freakonomics, In an Uncertain World, Currency Wars, and The Roaring Nineties. Although they are usually not as interesting as historical fictions, to me, they served as an important introduction to how the world works. When I finally got accepted to a college, I started to read desperately again, as if I was trying to make up for the missed reading in the past three years in three months. Most of the book reports in the “Books” section in my blog were written during these three months.
After I came to the US, I started to read for practical reasons instead of purely for fun. For one thing, it is extremely difficult to find good Chinese historical fictions (or just good Chinese books in general) in the US. For another, I had a lot of steep learning curves to climb. Therefore, I ended up reading a lot of self-help books and books related to my fields of study. Although I keep reminding myself to keep reading no matter how busy I am, my speed and volume of reading are nothing compared to what they used to be. Perhaps this is because when I was reading as a kid, I simply read whatever I truly enjoyed, instead of reading for specific purposes. Now I read the most during my two or three weeks in Taiwan every year. My dad buys new books every year, so when I go home, I pick from his stack of new books and read as many of them as I can. In the past few years, I have also been reading Chinese novels online from time to time. By the end of the day, I still like reading in Chinese more. Also, many books that I enjoy reading are not contemporary, so sometimes I am curious about what everyone else reads nowadays. On the internet, I rarely find a book that I get totally crazy about, but I started to notice different kinds of sparks here and there. Rich and multi-faceted characters, intriguing plots, writing style that matches the plot, the themes of growth and self-actualization, or the values that the author tries to express through the stories, can all keep me reading even if I am not super into a book as a whole. For example, I usually can’t finish reading a campus novel because campus romance is never a very interesting topic for me. Yet I love reading about details such as studying, doing problem sets, taking exams, chasing dreams, participating in competitions and extracurricular activities …etc. because I could see and feel my own youth among these details. After reading practical books so attentively for several years, this type of casual reading made me feel as if I had gone back in time, when I could just read whatever I truly enjoy and leave the rest.
I think I am very fortunate because reading is a habit that can keep me company for the rest of my life. Reading allows me to learn new knowledge and enrich my life; meaningful plots and matching writing style fascinate me and touch my heart; characters that are built successfully and their full character arcs make me feel as if I were friends with them; when I am in adversity, even if books cannot give me a solution, I can find scenarios or emotions that I can identify with, and sometimes I could even find some pointers through reading. When I was little, I spent my time very generously on reading. Now I don’t have as much time, and it is not as easy to find books that I get obsessed with, but I still want to keep reading. This way I can continue to nourish my soul until my very last day.