I summited Half Dome for the first time when I was 24; I thought I was going to die on the cables. I summited Half Dome again when I was 27; it almost felt like a home game. I summited Half Dome for a third time when I am 29 – this time I brought new friends to conquer a formidable mountain.
Half Dome is the landmark of Yosemite National Park. It is also the most famous and challenging day hike in the park: it is 16.3 miles long with over 5300 feet of elevation gain, and the altitude at the summit is almost 8900 feet. In addition, to summit Half Dome, one needs to get a permit to the cables through a lottery. The trailhead is at the bottle of Yosemite Valley, and hikers need to go up two steep waterfalls (Vernal Fall and Nevada Fall) right at the beginning of the hike. Although the waterfalls section is only a little over 3 miles, the steep slope can easily drain hikers at the onset, challenging their confidence and willpower. The trail flattens out a little bit after the waterfalls, but pretty much still goes all the way up at a slope to the Subdome. The Subdome is very steep – it is basically knee-high steps carved into a granite dome. There is a saddle between the Subdome and Half Dome, where out-of-breath hikers can see the famous cables on Half Dome, and perhaps reconsider whether they really want to go up those cables. The cables are only 400 feet; the length up and down the cables is less than 1 percent of the full trail, but it is perhaps the most exhausting section. Hikers need to use their arms and legs to stay on the 2×4’s, and for people who are scare of height like me, looking behind at the deep valley from the cables is the most terrifying thing. Sometimes if a hiker in front of you panics or gets tired, you have to wait until they decide to either proceed or turn around before you can keep ascending.
Although the hike is extremely difficult, the exhilaration, pride, and sense of achievement one feels after summiting is beyond words. The view on top is also incredibly majestic – the granite valleys of Yosemite are like solidified gray waves in a vast ocean, eternalizing as seasons come and go. The rest of the world seems so small on top of Half Dome, making all the efforts leading up to the summit well worth it. The only thing that spoils the excitement is one needs to go back down the same way after summiting. Going down the cables is more challenging than going up, and since there is only one set of cables, you need to carefully share them with hikers who are going up. The steep slopes down are very hard on the knees and shins as well. I usually run down the hills for the last mile or so because my legs always feel like jelly by that time. Even so, to me Half Dome is not only a challenging hiking route – it also lifts the passion and friendship (and craziness) of my Camping Club, and watches me grow and become stronger in the past 6 years.
When I was 24, my second year at Stanford came to an end. I was miserable in my lab and struggled to find a new research group. I was also seriously considering giving up my PhD and mastering out. Back then I just started to get into rock climbing, hiking, and camping, and was slowly building up my mediocre physical fitness. My good friend and rock climbing enlightener Callisto had summited Half Dome several times, and she strongly recommended our camping group to hike it. When she brought up this idea, it was already well past the pre-season lottery for the cables. Therefore, we had to do the day-of lottery, which means we entered the lottery on a Thursday, found out we won the permits late in the evening, packed up hastily on Friday to head to Yosemite, and hiked Half Dome on Saturday. Needless to say, we were in a big rush. I had almost no training before the hike, and did not have time to look up what this trail entails. The only reason why I mistakenly boarded this pirate ship is because I trusted Callisto’s judgment – since we climbed, hiked, and camped together so often, I thought she knew my fitness level, and if she said I could do it, I probably could. It wasn’t until much later did I find out that when I thought I “could do it,” I was thinking of doing it with ease and full confidence; when she said I “could do it,” she just meant I could come down alive. (To be fair, she was right. I did come down alive.)
The consequence of being so unprepared is my memory for this trip is very blurry. I was in total shock after the first waterfall (Vernal Fall) – after only 1.5 miles of hiking, I already felt like I was dying and just wanted to go home. After I finally made it up to the top of Nevada Fall, I was basically a zombie and had to rely on my friends to drag me along the rest of the hike. I have no memory of how I made it up to the Subdome, but I did remember myself freaking out on the cables and yelling my will to my friends. (In hindsight, it was quite embarrassing, but I am proud of myself for keep going and not holding up the traffic on the cables.) My memory of going down the mountain is equally blurry, just like a pencil sketch smeared by careless hands. The only thing I remembered was by the time we got back to the top of Vernal Fall, it started to get dark. I saw a ranger carrying an injured person covered in bandage down the waterfall, and I could almost see him carrying my corpse after I died from exhaustion. At that point, whatever pitiful bit of willpower I had left in me was total crushed, and I basically crawled back down to the trailhead. After the hike, my body was sore for a full week, and I swore to never go back to Half Dome again. I had PTSD from the hike for a while, but occasionally I felt a trace of pride – although the hike was brutal, I eventually finished this notoriously challenging route, and I felt closer to Steve, Callisto, Matthijs, Felix, and Ari after we accomplished something incredible together. Given my fitness level at that time, conquering Half Dome was one of the most remarkable breakthroughs in my life. Furthermore, not too long after I came down from Half Dome, I successfully switched to a new research group and started a splendid new chapter at Stanford, so to me Half Dome is also a symbol of rebirth from the ashes.
When I was 27, I had been working as a young professional for a year, and the Trump administration clamped down on immigration policies. My work visa was in limbo and there was a chance that I had to pack up and go back to Taiwan after my OPT expires. Therefore, I decided to hike all the mountains that I wanted to hike and revisit all my favorite routes before I got kicked out of the United States. After over three years, the vivid pain and fear that Half Dome brought me had weathered into a blurry outline. Although I still couldn’t say Half Dome is my “favorite” hike, it did witness my breakthrough and rebirth. Also, Jana from the Camping Club had not been on Half Dome yet, so I decided to spend the whole summer hiking with my friends, with Half Dome being the grand finale. Learning from my soul-crushing experience last time, I made sure we had sufficient preparation for this trip. We won the pre-season lottery for the permits and booked lodging way in advance, and spent two months hiking routes with various lengths, elevation gain, and altitude around Northern California to stay fit. As the smallest person in the group, I trained harder by carrying around extra weight on my hikes and climbing more difficult routes in the rock gym so that I wouldn’t hold everyone back. Right before I turned 28 in September, I went up to Half Dome again with Steve, Matthijs, Jana, and Felix. (Callisto moved to Australia but was there with us in spirit.) With all our preparation, this time our Half Dome hike went much smoother. It was still very challenging and exhausting, but at least I was not crushed. At the summit, I could finally appreciate the grand granite universe under my feet and carve the magnificence of Yosemite deep into my memory.
Three years after my first hike, my strength did not improve much, neither have I conquered my fear for height, but I did make good progress on my endurance and willpower. Last time, I was the last one to come down from Half Dome. Callisto and Matthijs stuffed my mouth with potato and sausage after I staggered back to the campground, and I was finally able to squeeze out my last bit of energy to cook for everyone half-consciously; this time, I was the first one to come down and got everyone dinner at the Pizza Deck so that they could dig in as soon as they finished the hike. Last time, my friends took care of me so that I could survive the hike; this time, it was my turn to take care of them. After the hike, my legs were only sore for a day or two, and everything felt normal after that. I felt quite incredible: even though it was the exact same hike, last time it was a Pyrrhic victory; this time it almost felt like a home game. It was the strongest I have ever felt in my life, both physically and mentally. I realized that as long as I have enough preparation and perseverance, I can summit a seemingly insurmountable peak. Furthermore, additional training will give me some energy to spare after I finish the hike so that I can turn around and take care of those who once took care of me.
Now I am 29 (almost 30…), and my Camping Club is spread all over the place. COVID has been raging around the world for over a year and half, and there is no sign of an end. At the beginning of the year, we went hiking with Matt and Allie, who moved to the Bay Area a few years ago, and they expressed their desire to hike Half Dome. Having successfully summited Half Dome twice, I took it upon myself to lead the charge. They then invited two friends from Chicago to fly out just to hike Half Dome. Since this was my third time hiking Half Dome, I have streamlined the whole process: from applying for the pre-season permits (with a strategy that maximizes our chance), booking lodging, training leading up to the hike, to preparing for the day of, everything was done smoothly in one go. In order to prepare for the summer heat in Yosemite, Steve and I did several long, exposed hikes around the Bay. After losing several layers of skin and multiple kilograms of water in the blazing sun at Mt. Diablo and Mt. Sizer, we finally mastered some tricks for hiking in the scorching heat.
In the past few years, the wildfires have gotten worse in California. In the week leading up to our trip, the air quality at Yosemite hadn’t been great. I kept a close eye on the AQI at Yosemite every day and was worried that our carefully planned trip might be ruined. Thankfully, the wind changed directions on the day of our departure. Although it was still hazy, the air quality was safe enough for strenuous outdoor activities, so we were able to head to Yosemite as planned. This was my first time being the pacesetter in a hike. I had to balance between keeping up the speed so that we could finish the hike in time and accounting for everyone’s physical condition, and it was not easy because I was not very familiar with everyone’s pace. (I met two of them for the very first time on this hike.) I can’t say that I did a perfect job, but at least everyone made it up the cables and came back down safe. I took my new friends on a trail that I used to hike with my old friends; every step and every scenery brought back some cherished memory. Although Yosemite was in a haze, it was still solemn and beautiful, just like how it has always been in our memory. When I looked at the familiar views from the top of Half Dome, it was as if I traveled through time, back to the previous times when I was here with my Camping Club. Back then, we shared the view of this majestic granite valley; this time, I brought my love and thoughts for them and shared this view with some new friends after taking them on a hike of a lifetime.
As I get older and my life gets busier, this is perhaps my last time hiking Half Dome. Nonetheless, my heart is filled with gratitude because I got to summit such an iconic peak three times before I turn 30, I got to see the breathtaking views on top of Half Dome three times, I built numerous unforgettable memories among the granite and forests, and I left marks of growth and transformation every time I went up Half Dome. To me, Half Dome is not just a granite dome – it is a peak of my youth, my friendship, and my growth.
Acknowledgment: Special thanks to Steve, who summited Half Dome with me all three times. (The last two times happened after I swore to never go back to Half Dome again and then promptly ate my own words…) Thanks to all those who hiked this unforgettable trail with me: Callisto, Felix, Matthijs, Jana, Ari, Matt, Allie, Adam, and Ana.
24歲初登半穹頂，以為我的小命要交代在山上；27歲再登半穹頂，似乎成了我的主場；29歲三登半穹頂，這次是帶著新人，攻克了他們心中不可攀越的高山。
半穹頂是優勝美地國家公園的地標，也是園內最負盛名、最具有挑戰性的單日登山路線：全長約25公里，高度落差超過1500公尺，山頂的海拔將近2700公尺，想要攻頂還必須抽籤得到許可。步道的起點在優勝美地山谷裡，一開始便需要連上兩個陡峭的瀑布（Vernal Fall和Nevada Fall），雖然瀑布的部分只有六公里，但是險峻的陡坡令人剛開始爬山就消耗了大量精力，對意志力和信心都是不小的考驗。接下來坡度稍為緩和，但是基本上還是以不小的仰角一路爬升到 Subdome。Subdome 十分陡峭，是在花崗岩圓丘上鑿出的一系列膝蓋高的石階，氣喘吁吁地爬到頂端的鞍部後就看得見著名的半穹頂鋼纜，可以在此稍事休息，順便慎重考慮是否真的要攻頂。鋼纜其實只有120公尺，上下兩趟不到步道全長的百分之一，但卻是最耗心力的一段，除了要手腳並用而且落足點不大之外，對於怕高的我來說，不小心回頭一看就能讓我嚇得魂飛天外。有時候碰到前面的登山客累了或是恐慌發作，還得掛在鋼纜上等著他們繼續前進或是掉頭放棄，我們才能繼續往上。
雖然攻頂的過程十分艱辛，但是攻頂後的萬丈豪情和成就感就不用說了，風景也十分壯麗磅礴——優勝美地起伏的花崗岩谷彷彿是浩瀚海洋中凝固的灰白色波濤，在春去秋來中成了永恆；一望無際的層巒疊翠和萬仞高崗也盡收眼底，頗有孔子「登泰山而小天下」的氣概，令人覺得之前所有的汗水和努力都值得了。唯一比較煞風景的就是攻頂後還得原途折返，下鋼纜比上鋼纜更加困難，而且因為只有一組鋼纜，上下兩個方向的人流還必須小心翼翼地錯開。陡峭的下坡對膝蓋和小腿也是不小的負擔，我到最後幾公里幾乎總是小跑步著下山，因為我痠軟的雙腿已經不聽使喚了。即便如此，對我來說，半穹頂不只是一條富有挑戰性的登山路線，它更是一肩擎起了我和許多至交好友們的年少輕狂、熱血澎湃，也低眉俯視著我過去六年來的成長和茁壯。
24歲，我在史丹佛的第二年進入了尾聲。我在實驗室過得並不好，正在掙扎著嘗試轉組，也考慮著要不要乾脆放棄不唸了。當時我剛開始接觸攀岩、登山、露營，正在慢慢提升我不怎麼樣的體力。我的好友兼攀岩啟蒙人 Callisto 已經上過半穹頂好幾次，強力推薦我們這個露營小隊一起攻頂。她提出這個建議時已經過了登山季前的許可抽籤，所以我們只好申請所謂的 day-of lottery：禮拜四抽籤，當晚發現抽中了禮拜五就匆匆收拾行裝上路，禮拜六攻頂。時間非常匆促，我在這之前沒有什麼訓練，出發前也沒時間上網仔細查這條路線意味著什麼，我會「誤上賊船」，純粹是因為信任 Callisto 的判斷——我想她跟我一起攀岩、一起爬山、一起露營，應該知道我的斤兩，所以她說我能行應該就能行，後來我才發現，我想的「能行」是十足把握、游刃有餘，她說的「能行」，只要能活著下山就可以了。
缺乏準備的後果就是我對這次登山的記憶很模糊，因為第一個瀑布就把我嚇懵了，才爬了兩公里多我就已經覺得氣力放盡，巴不得直接掉頭回家。好不容易上了第二個瀑布之後，我基本上就如同行屍走肉，完全是靠著朋友們拖著我走完剩下來的路程。我完全不記得我當時是怎麼上的 Subdome，但是對自己在鋼纜上嚇得魂飛魄散、不管不顧地交代遺言的名場面倒是印象深刻。下山的過程在記憶中同樣模糊，彷彿一幅被一雙粗心大意的手糊過的炭筆素描。唯一記得的一件事就是剛回到 Vernal Fall 的頂端時，天已經黑了，當我看到公園管理員抬著一個渾身繃帶的傷員下山時，我彷彿看見他們抬是的我累死的屍體，最後殘存的意志力徹底被擊潰，幾乎是爬著下山的。回家後，我全身整整痠疼了一個禮拜，我發誓我這輩子再也不要上半穹頂了。雖然有一段時間我彷彿是創傷後遺症上身，但是偶爾心裡也會升起一絲得意——雖然過程狼狽萬分，但是我終究是完成了這條以困難著稱的路線，也和一起攻頂的朋友們在汗水中多釀了一層革命情感，這對以前手無縛雞之力的我來說，應該算是了不起的突破了吧？再加上下山後沒過多久我就成功轉組，在學校展開燦爛的新篇章，所以半穹頂在我的記憶中又多了幾分大破大立、涅槃重生的色彩。
27歲，我畢業後工作剛滿一年，適逢川普政府緊縮移民政策，我的工作簽證毫無著落，有可能十月工卡到期之後就要捲鋪蓋回台灣，於是我決定要在離開美國之前，爬遍所有我之前沒有爬過的高山，也要重溫所有我曾經最愛的路線。經過了三年多的沉澱，半穹頂當年帶給我鮮明的恐懼已經在時間的沖刷下暈染成模糊的輪廓。雖然不能說是我「最愛」的路線，但是它見證了我的突破和重生，而且我們一群朋友中有一個人還沒上過半穹頂，所以我決定要用整個夏天來登山，並以半穹頂作為最盛大的終章。有了上次的慘痛經驗，我們這次做了充足的準備，登山季開始前就申請好了許可，並用了兩個月的時間在北加各地嘗試各種長度、高差和海拔的路線，保持良好的體能狀態。身為我們一群人當中最弱小的一個，我又替自己增加了額外的負重訓練、提高了平時攀岩的強度，希望這次不要拖大家的後腿。有了充分的訓練，這次攻頂的過程比上次順利許多，雖然依然十分辛苦，但至少這次我的心志沒有被擊垮，在山頂上我終於能靜下心來好好欣賞腳下的花崗岩宇宙，將優勝美地的壯闊雄奇深深地拓印在我的記憶裡。
三年下來，雖然我的肌力沒什麼長進，也從未克服對高度的恐懼，但是意志力和耐力卻有了長足的進步。上次我是最後一個下山的，踉踉蹌蹌地回到營地，被人塞了一嘴的香腸和馬鈴薯之後，才迷迷糊糊地開始幫忙埋鍋造飯。這次我是第一個下山的，趕在大家回到營地之前幫大家打理好了晚餐——上次是朋友們支持著我走完全程，這次換我來照顧他們。下山後，我的雙腿只痠了一兩天，之後基本上就行動如常了。我覺得十分不可思議：同樣一座山峰、同樣一條登山路線，上次是一場慘勝的仗，這次彷彿成了我的主場，無論是生理還是心理，這似乎都是我這一輩子最強大的一刻。我想，即使是看似不可逾越的高山，只要有足夠的準備和堅持，就有登頂的一天，而更多的訓練和磨礪，則能讓我在登頂之後還行有餘力，回身去照顧那些曾經拉我一把的人。
29歲，一起露營的舊友四散各方，而新冠肺炎在全球已經肆虐超過一年半，反覆的疫情沒有要結束的跡象。年初和幾年前剛搬來灣區的朋友一起爬山時，他們提到了對半穹頂的嚮往。有了兩次攻頂成功的經驗，我義不容辭地成為他們的領路人，他們又邀請了兩位來自芝加哥的朋友，飛到加州特地來爬半穹頂。第三次上半穹頂，整個過程對我來說駕輕就熟，從申請許可、預定營地、行前訓練，到攻頂當天的準備一氣呵成。為了提前適應優勝美地八月的蒸騰暑氣，我們還特地在灣區嘗試了許多沒有樹蔭遮蔽的路線，在 Mt. Diablo 和 Mt. Sizer 活生生曬脫了兩層皮和好幾公斤水之後，我們終於掌握了一些在酷暑中登山的竅門。
近幾年加州野火肆虐，出發的前一個禮拜，優勝美地的空氣品質一直不是很好，我每天緊盯著優勝美地的空氣質量指數，生怕好不容易規劃好的行程泡湯了。好在出發的當天風向改變，雖然還是會有些霧霾，但是空氣品質不至於對戶外活動造成太大的影響，我們順順利利地出發。這是我第一次在一個登山團隊裡擔任先導者的角色，在保持一定的速度和顧及所有成員的身體狀況之間必須取得一個平衡。在對其他成員的體能不甚熟悉的情況下，這不是一項容易的任務，我不敢說自己做得多稱職，但至少我們六個人全部成功攻頂，又都平平安安地下山了。我帶著新朋友走在我和老朋友們曾經一起走過的山徑上，每一個步伐、每一幀風景都會勾起些許回憶。霧霾下的優勝美地，仍舊是我們記憶中莊嚴美麗的樣子，我在半穹頂上看著底下熟悉的景色，彷彿穿越了時光，回到前兩次我和老友們一起站在山頂的時刻——當年，我們看見的同樣是這片雄偉壯麗的花崗岩谷；現在，我帶著對他們的思念和愛，把這幅美景分享給新的朋友，帶著他們完成了一次畢生難忘的攻頂。
隨著年歲漸長、生活日漸繁忙，這或許是我最後一次上半穹頂，但是我依然滿懷感激，因為我在三十歲前能夠三次登上這座指標性的山峰、三次飽覽優勝美地令人屏息的美靜、在花崗岩壁和蓊鬱森林間留下許多畢生難忘的回憶，並在每次攻頂時都留下成長與蛻變的痕跡。在我心中，半穹頂不僅僅是一座花崗岩丘，而是青春、友情、成長堆疊而成的高峰。
後記：特別感謝 Steve，陪著我上了三次半穹頂。（後兩次還是容忍我在信誓旦旦地說再也不回穹頂之後，很快又食言而肥的結果。）也謝謝所有曾經和我一同踏上這趟難忘旅程的人：Callisto, Felix, Matthijs, Jana, Ari, Matt, Allie, Adam, Ana。