I chose to camp at Burney Falls for my 32nd birthday. Burney Falls is a waterfall in northern California. It is a National Natural Landmark (alongside Emerald Bay and Mt. Shasta) and the most magnificent waterfall in California.
Even though I just saw numerous gorgeous waterfalls in Iceland two weeks ago, my breath was still taken away by Burney Falls’ beauty. I love the series of cascades, the lush greenery around it, and how close I was able to get to the base of the waterfall. The trail we originally planned to hike was closed due to erosion, so we hiked a small section of the PCT, hung out by Lake Britton (Steve fished while I read and wrote), built a campfire as always (by myself this time!), stargazed, and stopped by Bumpass Hell in Lassen on our way back. (When I visited Lassen in 2016, Bumpass Hell was closed. I am glad I got to see it this time.) Compared to my other birthday adventures, this is probably the most chilled one.
I first heard about Burney Falls a few years ago when Felix proposed Camping Club to go there together, but we were not able to make a trip happen before everyone else left the Bay Area. Since early 2021, I have been deliberately doing things I said I would do with people who are no longer around me. I ran my first half marathon and went to London for my mom. I summited Mt. Shasta and traveled to Iceland (with Steve and Felix) for Camping Club. For my birthday this year, I decided to visit Burney Falls on behalf of them.
Recently, I have been wondering what the “X factor” that has helped me form close connections with others in the past is, just like the connection I have with Camping Club. This was triggered by something that happened during the first weekend of August. I was at a local soccer tournament, and Steve was boat camping at Point Reyes with his friends. I did not know much about their plans and when they were supposed to come back on Sunday. I texted Steve when I got home from the soccer tournament in the afternoon, but did not hear back for a few hours. I started to wonder if their kayak had capsized in Tomales Bay and if people had been in danger. It suddenly struck me that if something that bad had happened, I wouldn’t know who to call for help. Before early 2020, I knew exactly who to call, and they would always catch me when I fall. However, now I don’t know anymore, and this realization scares me.
I have been moving around a lot in the past 15 years. Therefore, while I am very close to my core family in Taiwan, I have been forming new communities around me when I move to a new place and relying on them. At Stanford, Camping Club was my family, and they still are, even though we are geographically dispersed. Although it has been more than 5 years since I graduated and over 3 years since everyone moved away, I seem to be missing them more and more. When travel opened up again in 2021 after COVID, we made every effort to see each other: everyone came over to Fremont for Turducken v7.0 in November 2021; Steve and I visited Amsterdam in August 2022; Felix went to Amsterdam in November 2022 and came to Fremont in January 2023; I went to Amsterdam again in August, and met up with Steve and Felix for a road trip in Iceland afterward; Callisto made multiple trips between Dublin and Amsterdam. This is a lot of traveling, but seeing this group of friends always brings me so much joy and positive energy, and staying connected with them is very important to me.
I moved to Fremont two and a half years ago (the first ~8 months were during COVID), and I am still in the process of finding and building my community. I guess it will take some time. I have been meeting really great people and making amazing new friends, and I even have a new nickname. But from time to time, I still feel like I haven’t quite blent in just yet. Perhaps Camping Club is just such a special group of people and I got lucky with them. Maybe I shouldn’t expect this kind of fortune all the time. I am not sure what made us gel so well — similar core values, similar ways of thinking, similar curiosity, similar experience moving around, similar cosmopolitan mindset, similar love for nature and adventures, strong mutual respect despite our differences, or a combination of many. Whenever we see each other, we pick up right from where we left off, as if there were no distance between us. For example, when I went to the Netherlands in August, on the train from Schiphol to Groningen, I was complaining to Matt about all the struggles I had at work in the past few months. He immediately got me and gave me great advice even though we don’t work in the same industry. When I told Jana about still trying to blend into the community in Fremont, she experienced the same thing in Amsterdam. When I was having trouble finding the right words to describe my sentiments for Camping Club to Felix, he knew exactly how I felt. The way we all connect is incredible, and it didn’t even take that long for us to build that connection. (I already knew Camping Club was the right group about a year into grad school. Everything we did together in the subsequent 9 years strengthened our bond.)
I would like to settle down in Fremont and I don’t plan to move again anytime soon. I have been meeting a lot of really good people, and I hope one day I will feel the same sense of belonging and comfort that I used to have in Chicago and Stanford. I am still not sure what I should be doing proactively, since Camping Club kind of just worked out for me. I came to Burney Falls in honor of them, and this is the first time I visited a new place for my birthday with a retrospective aspect since 2015. For my 32, I hope I can always try to be the best version of myself and continue to care for the people around me. I hope this will eventually bring me to where I want to be.
New places I visited/new things I did for my birthdays since 2015:
- 2015 (24) — Mammoth Lakes
- 2016 (25) — Sequoia National Park
- 2017 (26) — Lake Sonoma
- 2018 (27) — Tahoe (parasailing for the first time)
- 2019 (28) — Half Dome (second time; crushing it for the first time)
- 2020 (29) — Redwood National Park
- 2021 (30) — Alaska
- 2022 (31) — Desolation Wilderness
- 2023 (32) — Burney Falls
今年我選擇在伯尼瀑布露營，度過我的32歲生日。伯尼瀑布位於北加州，它和翡翠灣和沙斯塔山一樣，是美國的國家自然地標，也是加州最壯觀的瀑布。
雖然兩個禮拜前，我才在冰島見到許多各俱特色的瀑布，伯尼瀑布的美麗還是深深地打動了我。它的層次豐富、蒼環翠繞，而且我還能直接走到瀑布底下。我們原本計畫要登山的步道因為故關閉，所以我們改走了一小段的太平洋屋脊步道。在布萊頓湖邊，Steve 嘗試釣了一個下午的魚，我則在湖邊的樹蔭下看書寫日記。回到營地後，我們像往常一樣生起營火（這次我負責生火！），在入夜後一起看星星。隔天回灣區的路上，我們去了拉森火山國家公園的「邦帕斯地獄」地熱區。我2016年去拉森時，邦帕斯地獄因為積雪關閉，很高興這次終於有機會看見它的廬山真面目。跟我以前的生日冒險相比，這大概是最輕鬆愜意的一次了。
我第一次聽說伯尼瀑布，是幾年前 Felix 提議我們大家一起去那裡露營，只可惜這個提議沒能在大家搬離灣區之前實現。從 2021年起，我似乎有意地在完成一些我說過要和那些不在我身邊的人一起做的事。為了媽媽，我跑了我人生中的第一個半馬、去了倫敦。為了露營的朋友們，我登上了沙斯塔山、跟 Steve 和 Felix 一起去冰島自駕遊。今年生日，我決定再為了這些朋友們去伯尼瀑布露營。
最近我時常在想，過去幫助我和他人建立緊密連結的關鍵因素究竟為何——為什麼我和露營的朋友們能那麼要好呢？八月的第一個週末，我在朋友的足球錦標賽幫忙，Steve 則和他的朋友們去雷斯岬露營，他們必須划著橡皮艇橫渡托馬利斯灣才能到達他們的營地。我並不清楚他們的行程，也不知道他們計畫週日什麼時候回到灣區。足球比賽結束後，我回到家給 Steve 發了封簡訊問他們什麼時候回家，但是好幾個小時都沒有回音。於是我開始胡思亂想：會不會是他們的橡皮艇在托馬利斯灣裡翻船了？大家會不會有生命危險？然後我震驚地意識到，如果最壞狀況真的發生了，我根本不知道我可以找誰求助。2020年以前，我知道我能立刻打電話找誰，也知道他們一定會二話不說馬上幫我想辦法，但是現在我感到茫然無措，而這種認知讓我害怕。
過去十五年，我不斷地搬家，所以雖然情感上我和臺灣的家人們十分親近，但是每當我搬到一個新城市時，我總是在當地尋找自己能融入並且依靠的新群體。在史丹佛時，一起露營的那群朋友們就是我的家人，即使我們現在四散各方，他們依然是我最親密的朋友。我已經畢業超過五年，距離大家搬離灣區也超過三年了，但是我似乎越來越想念他們。國際旅行在2021年重新開放後，我們就開始策劃著各種重聚：2021年11月，所有人齊聚佛利蒙，第七次延續了我們感恩節火鴨雞的傳統；2022年八月，我和 Steve 一起去了阿姆斯特丹；Felix 在2022年11月也去了阿姆斯特丹，並在今年一月來到佛利蒙拜訪我們；我今年八月又去了荷蘭，並跟 Steve 和 Felix 一起去了冰島；Callisto 則比我們都更常在都柏林和阿姆斯特丹之間往返。為了和大家見面，我花了許多時間和精力旅行，但是每一次旅行都帶給我滿滿的喜悅和正能量，和這些朋友們保持聯絡對我來說也益發重要。
我大約在兩年半前搬到佛利蒙（前八個月還是在新冠居家避役期間），現在還在努力摸索、尋找自己的新社群。我可能還需要一些時間——我碰到了許多很棒的人，也結識了不少新朋友，甚至還有了新綽號，但是有時我還是會覺得自己還沒有完全融入。我猜，我以前在史丹佛的那群朋友可能真的是一群非常特別的人，我能一開始就認識他們，真的是上天賜給我的好運。或許我不應該一直期待這樣的運氣。我不太確定究竟是什麼讓我們一拍即合——相似的價值觀、相似的思考方式、相似的好奇心、相似的四海為家的經歷、相似的國際化心態、對大自然和戶外冒險相似的熱愛、撇開彼此之間的差異依然互相尊重，又或是許多不同因素的加成。每次我們見面時，總能直接從上次分別時的地方繼續，好像彼此之間的時空差距不存在一般。舉例來說，這次去荷蘭時，我在從機場去格羅寧根的火車上，跟 Matt 抱怨我來之前在工作上遇到的種種麻煩，雖然我們身處不同的行業，他還是馬上就理解了我的難處，並一如既往地給了我很好的建議。當我告訴 Jana 我還在努力試圖融入 Fremont 的群體時，她在阿姆斯特丹也正在經歷相同的過程。當我找不到適當的詞彙向 Felix 描述我對朋友們感情時，他馬上理解了我，一切無須言表。即使我認識大家已經十年了，我們所有人之間那種緊密的連結有時候還是令我難以置信，而我們剛認識時，其實並沒有花太長的時間就建立了堅實的友誼。（在史丹佛認識大家大概一年之後，我就確認了這是我最核心的朋友圈，接下來九年，所有我們一起做的事都進一步加深了我們的友情。）
在漂泊了這麽多年之後，我希望能在佛利蒙安頓下來，短期內不打算再搬家了。我在佛利蒙認識了許多很好的人，我也希望有一天我能在佛利蒙找到我在芝加哥和史丹佛曾經擁有過的舒適和歸屬感。我其實還是不太確定我是不是應該更積極地做些什麼，因為我認識之前那群朋友的過程彷彿是水到渠成。今年我為了之前和他們一起的約定，來到伯尼瀑布露營，而這是我從24歲生日以來，第一次在我的生日去了一個新的地方緬懷過去，而不是單純地「讀萬卷書，行萬里路」。32歲之後，希望我能繼續努力成為最好的自己，並持續關照我身邊的人——希望這最終能引領我到達我想去的地方。
2015年以來，我每年生日去的新地方：
- 2015 (24) — 猛獁湖
- 2016 (25) — 巨杉國家公園
- 2017 (26) — 索諾瑪湖
- 2018 (27) — 太浩湖（第一次玩滑翔傘）
- 2019 (28) — 半穹頂（第二次登頂，但是第一次覺得行有餘力）
- 2020 (29) — 紅木國家公園
- 2021 (30) — 阿拉斯加
- 2022 (31) — 蒼茫荒野
- 2023 (32) — 伯尼瀑布