I have been struggling a lot since the beginning of Winter Quarter, with the brutal Chicago winter, challenging courses, difficult relationships with classmates, and my endless homesick. I couldn’t stop questioning my decision of coming to Northwestern, and I feel like I am on the brink of giving up. This morning my dad sent me this note, which I burst into tears after reading. I know I am not a good translator, but I’d still like to translate it into English and share it with my friends.
Dear Rosa,
You know I enjoy jogging — even though I haven’t been jogging for a while. All joggers know that there is a very painful period before the “second wind,” and for me, this period is around 800 ~ 1000m. Physically, the jogger’s breath and pace are not yet adjusted to the proper intensity and speed. Mentally, the jogger is very likely to convince himself to stop because of the suffocating feeling. Sometimes a jogger might want to stop and rest during this period of time and try to start again later. However, it usually turns out that he cannot continue jogging anymore. Why? Because this is the time when he should try to adjust his pace instead of resting. Once he overcomes the fatigue, he will experience the second wind, when his body finds a balance and he can jog freely and easily. By the end of the journey, he will feel a great sense of achievement, for he has successfully challenged himself and gone beyond his limits. The whole process belongs to the jogger alone. It might seem solitary, since no one can help him or share his pain while he is jogging, but every trip, in fact, is an amazing mental journey.
When I first went to Oxford, a senior engineer invited me to jog with him on a Sunday morning. I am younger than him, so I was very confident of my physical strength. I was not aware of his military background, however. We began to jog at New College, and he started off at a pretty high speed. I started to feel the pain soon afterward, and I wished he could stop and rest for a while. He, however, jogged all the way to the suburb of Oxford. He led me to a path along a small canal, which I had never been to before. I was jogging behind him and hoping that we could slow down, yet he never looked back. He kept jogging at his speed, and the only thing I could do was bite the bullet and try to catch up with him. I was panting very violently, and I could see nothing but his heels. This struggle lasted for a while, but interestingly enough, the pain gradually faded away. After a while, I realized that I was no longer following him. Instead, I was jogging at the same speed as him, and sometimes I even felt the impulse to run ahead of him. I did not know how long we were going to jog, however, so I decided just to maintain the same speed. Suddenly, I realized how beautiful the scenery around me was — I could see the light fog on the river glimmering under the morning sunshine; I could smell the fragrance of the flowers along my way; I could hear the birds chirping around me. I thought of Valerie (i.e. my mom) and my aspiration for the future. All of a sudden I forgot that I was jogging, for my mind was engrossed in all these bright images and the surrounding beauty, and I couldn’t even remember which path we took when we jogged back. After we finished jogging, we went back to New College and had a nice Sunday breakfast. That was the first time I had Alpen (my favorite cereal). We jogged for a total of 16 kilometers that morning. Can you believe it? After the jog, I felt hopeful and bright, and life is full of joy. Moreover, later on, you came into my life, which gave me even more pleasure. Now you are abroad alone, 10 years young than me when I first went to Oxford. I don’t know if you have your “Valerie” like I did, but I am sure you did not go to the States simply because you are admitted to a college there. You must have had your own aspirations before you left Taiwan. Think of your original goals — why do you want to study abroad? Then try to put yourself in the future that you pictured. Your friends in Taiwan will cherish all the good old days you spent together with them, but now everyone is striving toward his/her own future. This is a dispersion of life. The line of your fate is destined to intersect with the lines of the others. Let your past memories nourish you, and spark brilliance on every intersection in your life.
Love,
Dad and Mum
冬季學季開學後，每一天我都在苦苦掙扎：芝加哥的苦寒、艱困的新課程、不順遂的人際關係、無盡的鄉愁。我無時無刻懷疑著自己來到西北大學的決定，懷疑著我究竟能再撐多久。今天早上，我收到了爸爸的來信，眼淚不禁決堤而出。擦乾眼淚後，我重新振作，因為就像爸爸說的，在最黑暗的時候，我依然要「想一想我的初衷，再把自己放到我期許的未來。」
Dear Rosa:
妳知道我喜歡慢跑，雖然因為體重的關係，荒廢許久，喜歡慢跑的人都知道，過程中有一段撞牆期，對我來說，大概是800-2000公尺這段。在生理上，由於呼吸尚未調勻，配速也不順暢，是最難過的一段時間，在心理上，由於窒息壓迫的感覺，很容易說服自己停下來。有的時候，心想停下來休息一下再開始，但結果一定是無法繼續，而且愈來愈累。撞牆期是努力調整的時候，不是休息的時候。所有喜歡慢跑的人，都喜歡享受突破撞牆期之後，那份呼吸與肌肉規律搭配的美妙感覺，體內因為腎上腺素持續分泌而產生的昂揚鬥志，持續到最後階段咬緊牙關衝刺的亢奮，以及挑戰成功的滿足成就感。整個過程，是慢跑者獨自一人的世界，看起來孤獨困苦，但其實每一趟都是一場新鮮的心靈之旅。
我第一年剛到牛津的前幾個月，有一個周日的清晨，與一位唸工程的學長（中正理工學院的）相約慢跑，那時我較年輕，對自己的體力很有自信，學長帶著我從他的學院（New College）開始，但我萬萬沒有料到他的軍事訓練背景。一開始的速度就讓我吃不消，很快的我就撞牆了，一直希望他就快停下來，學長卻繞到牛津外圍的路上，到了郊區，轉進一條小運河邊的步道，我從未來過。他在前，我在後，一直想慢一點，但是學長從不回頭等我，盯著他的腳跟，只能咬牙跟上。慢慢的，我跑到他的旁邊，和他並進，甚至我有衝動要領先他。不過，我還不知到他要帶我跑多遠，得保留體力。這時候，我們彼此可以感覺呼吸及腳步的節奏，自然形成的規律，讓我不需要靠意志力前進。漸漸的我看到了晨曦照映河面薄霧的景色，腦海中浮現了Valerie的影像，憧憬著未來的生活。反而，我不記得後來的路徑。最後我們回到了New College享受一頓豐盛的假日早餐，我那時第一次吃到Alpen（My favorate cereal）。算了算，這趟我們跑了16公里。當時我的腦海中的影像成真了，更大的喜悅是妳的加入。現在，妳比我提早了10年，一人置身海外，我不確定妳是否像我一樣有一個Valerie，但我相信妳一定不是只為了申請上美國大學而出國。出國前，必然有妳的期許和目標，想一想妳的初衷，再把自己放到妳期許的未來。妳在台灣的朋友會珍惜過去美好的日子，但每個人現在都奔向自己選擇的未來，殘酷一點的說，這是一場向四方的發散，每個人的那條射線註定要與其他原點的發射線條交會。That’s the life. 讓過去的美好滋養妳，在每一個新的交會點上激發美麗的光芒.
Love,
Dad and Mum