I went outdoor rock climbing for the first time at Hicks Road on 9/11/2022, two days after I turned 31. Since then it has been a wild ride.
I love the outdoors. I grew up in a city, and in college, I was even voted by my lab to be the least likely person to survive in the wilderness. However, after I moved to California, I made a group of adventurous friends. We camped, hiked, and explored the great outdoors together, accomplishing things that I didn’t know I could do before. I spent some of the best times in my life outside; I built the most incredible friendship outside; I saw so much of my own growth and breakthrough outside, together with some of the most amazing people in my life. I also love how I can just disconnect, forget about all my troubles, and recharge when I am outside — all my personal struggles and issues feel so transient compared to Mother Nature’s seemly eternal beauty.
I also love rock climbing, but I never thought about climbing outside until I started to lead climb last summer. I met a few fellow lead climbers at the gym, and when they talked about their outdoor climbing trips, I shamelessly invited myself. When I first went out and climbed at Hicks Road, I fell in love with it right away. It was extremely scary — the rock is much taller than the gym wall, the holds felt very different from the gym, I didn’t really trust my gears, I didn’t know how to read the routes, and most of the time I was just completely clueless. However, I learned so much in just one day, and it was incredibly fulfilling. I learned how to build an anchor, how to rappel (also super scary), how to be a little more aware of my surroundings, and how to preserve my energy a little better on a route. By the end of the day, I already didn’t feel as scared on top of the rock as I did when I first started. Furthermore, the group that I climbed with was great. Everyone was very helpful and fun to hang out with. Oddly enough, although I barely knew anyone, I felt a very familiar vibe — the vibe of having a good time together outside. I couldn’t help but think of my camping crew — this is exactly what we used to do together all the time: we explore, learn new things, grow, and all have a blast together.
After my first trip to Hicks, I got completely obsessed, and whenever I hear people planning outdoor climbing trips at the gym, I invite myself as much as I possibly can. Since then I have been getting better at climbing outside, and most importantly, I have really enjoyed the experience. I think I will never forget being above the condors (inside a bird graveyard) at Pine Canyon, leading 6 routes with the incredibly beautiful Lake Tahoe behind me, hearing the waves crashing against the shore while climbing at Mickey’s Beach, and flashing a 5.10a on lead at Pinnacles without realizing it, just like how I will never forget the secret campfire at Arroyo Seco, sliding down Mt. Tallac (without proper protection…), the Half Dome cables, the igloo we built at Shasta, and the dreamy blue Crater Lake.
Outdoor climbing drastically shifted my mindset when I climb in the gym. I got a lot more motivated to improve in the gym so that I can climb better outside. In the past, I aimed to finish as many routes as possible in a climbing session, usually 8-10 top rope routes. Now I only want to climb at my limit: I want to climb hard routes and climb them well. In the past, if I fell on a difficult route, I would just want to finish it however I could and be done with it. Now, I always go back to where I fell and work the hard section over and over again until I get the moves. I don’t mind only finishing 3 routes per session as long as I know I am pushing myself as hard as I can. This new mindset helped me improve quickly. I am able to send hard routes on lead after working on them, and I can really see myself getting stronger and better. Other than my mindset shift, I think the lead climbers I have been climbing with also play an important role in my fast progress. I can’t even begin to say how thankful I am for them. They teach me outdoor climbing techniques, give me beta when I am stuck, are patient enough to belay me when I need to take time to work on the crux of a route, inspire me to push myself harder, and always cheer me on. With their help and support, I am seeing the fastest progress I have ever made, and I am having the most fun I have ever had with rock climbing.
Of course, in spite of all the fun I have been having, outdoor climbing comes with struggles. During my first month and half of climbing outside, I felt incredibly overwhelmed and stressed out. There was so much for me to learn and I was having a hard time keeping up. Back then I was still working on the basics of lead climbing and getting more comfortable with lead falls, which was already quite a lot. On top of that, I was scrambling to learn how to build and clean an anchor, how to manage my rope, how to be more mindful of my surroundings, and how to handle all kinds of unexpected situations outside. I often wondered if I was trying to bite off more than I can chew. Furthermore, for whatever reason, I seemed to get myself into incidents and injuries more than anyone else. (I still can’t believe I managed to fall into the water while belaying at Hicks Road. I didn’t even know it was possible.) I wasn’t sure if I could ever become good at outdoor climbing, but I was having so much fun that I wanted to keep trying anyways. Up until today, I still get overwhelmed from time to time by the vast amount of things I need to learn, but I keep going — the joy I have been getting from my personal growth and a good company far outweighs my fear.
Outdoor climbing also taught me how to make new friends in a different way. With my camping crew, we had known each other for a while and done different things on campus together before we started to go outdoors and trust each other with our lives. We started with easy things before we did hard things like Half Dome, and we strengthened our friendship and trust along the way. With outdoor climbing, I had to trust my life with others a lot faster. Not that I didn’t trust their abilities to belay me and keep me safe (since I have at least seen most of them climb in the gym), I just didn’t know them that well. (When I am scared or in danger, I usually think of people I know very well first.) This forced me to learn how to trust people fast and not to overthink when I climb. It also pushed me to become a better belayer myself so that others can trust me to keep them safe even if they don’t know me well. The “trust” factor created a very interesting dynamic: most people I climb with I have only known for a few months, but I often feel like I have known them for much longer.
I remember when I first started to climb outside, I was extremely self-conscious, not only about my climbing skills but also about how I am as a person in general. I guess I have been too spoiled by my camping crew — we were such a tight-knit group and I have been so comfortable with them for so many years. After everyone else left the Bay Area, COVID hit shortly and almost all social activities got put on hold, so I haven’t really had a chance to step out and make new friends until last year. When I first started to climb with a new group, I was extremely worried about how people might judge me when I didn’t climb well, or when I made mistakes. I overthought everything people said to me and often stressed myself out (for no good reason). It took me a while to realize that I should just be myself. There is a reason why I have been surrounded by really good people my whole life. If I continue to be the best version of myself and care for others as I have always been, I will eventually end up with the right group of people.
It has been raining a lot in the Bay Area lately and I haven’t had a chance to climb outside yet this year. Once the rain stops, however, I am sure this year will be filled with amazing climbing adventures with good company, and I really can’t wait!
去年九月十一日，我三十一歲生日過後兩天，我在 Hicks Road 第一次嘗試戶外攀岩。從那天起，我開始了一段精彩又有些瘋狂的旅程。
我非常喜歡戶外活動。雖然我在大城市中長大，大學時又很丟臉地被我的實驗室票選為最不可能在野外生存的人，但是我搬來加州後，結識了一群愛冒險的朋友。我們一起露營、登山、戶外探險，也一起完成了許多我以為自己辦不到的事。在戶外，我留下了最難忘的回憶、建立了最堅實的友誼、和最美好的人一起見證了自己無數的成長和突破。在戶外，我也喜歡暫時切斷自己和文明世界的聯繫、拋開日常生活中的煩惱——在大自然近乎永恆的美景之前，我的種種苦惱顯得如此短暫而又微不足道。
我也喜歡攀岩，但是在我去年夏天開始學習先鋒攀岩之前，我從未認真思考戶外攀岩的可能性。我在攀岩場裡認識了幾位先鋒攀岩者，當他們討論戶外攀岩時，我便厚顏無恥地強插一腳了。我第一次去 Hicks Road 時，就徹底愛上了戶外攀岩。一開始，我十分害怕——戶外的巨岩比攀岩場裡的岩壁高大許多、所有的岩點感覺跟室內攀岩完全不同、我還不是十分信任我的裝備、我無法判讀戶外的路線……總之大部分的時候我完全是一頭霧水。但是在短短一天之內，我學習到的新知遠遠超乎預期。我學會了如何架設和清理保護點、如何垂降（第一次基本上是嚇得魂飛魄散）、如何更加注意我周圍的環境、如何在路線上保持體力。我們收拾東西準備回家時，我早已沒有一開始時那麼害怕了。那天和我一起攀岩的朋友們也都十分友善熱情、不吝於協助我這個時常搞不清楚狀況的菜鳥。奇妙的是，雖然我跟大家還不是很熟，但是我卻感到了一種很熟悉的氛圍——一種大家一起享受戶外美好時光的氛圍。我想起了以前一起露營的那群朋友，因為這正是我們總是一起做的事：我們總是在戶外一起探索、一起學習、一起成長、一起享受最歡暢的時光。
第一次戶外攀岩後，我完全著了迷。但凡我聽說有人準備去戶外攀岩，我只要有空就一定會巴巴地跟去。幾個月下來，我看見了自己顯著的進步，更重要的是，我非常享受這個過程。我想，我大概一輩子都不會忘記在 Pine Canyon 的巨岩頂端俯瞰翱翔的加州神鷲、在藍寶石般的太浩湖畔一口氣先鋒了六條路線、在 Mickey’s Beach 一邊攀岩一邊聽著身後的驚濤裂岸，還有在完全不知情的狀況下，在尖頂國家公園一次完成了一條先鋒 5.10a，就像我不會忘記 Arroyo Seco 的秘密營火、（在沒有保護措施的情況下）滑下塔拉克山的雪坡、半穹頂上的鋼纜、我們一起在沙斯塔山腳蓋的冰屋，還有如夢似幻的火山口湖。
開始戶外攀岩後，我在室內攀岩時的心態也起了巨大的改變：我比以前更有進步的動力了。以前我的目標是儘可能地完成最多的路線，平均每次八到十條頂繩。現在我的目標是挑戰自己的極限——我只想乾淨利落地完成我所能完成的最困難的路線。以前攀岩時，我若是在一個地方墜落，我總是想盡辦法趕快爬過那一段、完成路線，然後換下一條。現在我會回到我墜落的地方，一次又一次反覆地練習動作，直到我不再墜落為止。我不介意我一次攀岩只能完成三條路線，因為我知道我在竭盡所能地推展自己的極限。轉換心態之後，我進步神速，越來越強壯，技巧也越來越嫻熟。許多以前看似不可能的先鋒路線，我在反覆練習之後都能一次完成。這幾個月來大幅的進步，除了心態的改變之外，跟我一起攀岩的朋友們更是功不可沒。我真的不知道該如何感謝他們。他們教導我戶外攀岩的技巧、我在一條路線上卡住時提供動作讓我參考、耐心地讓我在墜落後反覆練習同樣的動作、激勵我不斷挑戰自己，並且永遠為我加油打氣。在他們的幫助和支持下，我取得了這輩子最快速的進步，也從攀岩中獲得了最大的樂趣。
當然，雖然我非常享受戶外攀岩，過程卻非一帆風順。剛開始戶外攀岩的一個多月，我常常感覺自己要被壓垮了，因為有太多需要學習的東西，而我總是感到力不從心。當時我剛學會先鋒攀岩，還在練習基本功和適應先鋒墜落，早就有些手忙腳亂，突然之間，我還要加大力度，學習如何架設和清理保護點、繩索管理、注意四周環境，以及如何應對戶外的種種突發狀況，以至於我時常懷疑自己是不是貪多嚼不爛。更甚者，不知為何，我似乎總是比其他人更容易受傷和出意外（我到現在還是不敢相信我第一次在 Hicks Road 確保時，居然落水了，我之前完全不知道居然還有這種可能性）。我不確定自己是否能成為合格的戶外攀岩者，但是每次戶外攀岩我都玩得十分開心，所以我決定無論如何都要繼續嘗試。直至今日，面對大量需要學習的項目，我依然時不時地感到力有未逮，但是我還在繼續努力——我從成長、自我超越、一群志同道合的攀岩夥伴中獲得的樂趣遠遠超過了我的恐懼和壓力。
透過戶外攀岩，我也學會了用另一種方式結交新朋友。以前我的那群露營的朋友，我們是在認識了一段時間、一起經歷了許多事以後，才開始一起去戶外探險、性命相託。我們循序漸進，從比較簡單的露營登山開始，過了一段時間才一起挑戰諸如半穹頂之類的高難度活動。開始戶外攀岩之後，我幾乎是被迫學習如何快速地在戶外信任我還不太熟悉的人。我或多或少曾經在攀岩場裡見過他們，所以我不是不信任他們攀岩和確保的能力，但是我在野外遇到危險時，下意識想到的總是我最熟悉的人，所以跟一群我剛認識的人一起從事高風險的戶外活動對我來說是一個學習過程：我自己在攀岩時，必須學習快速信任我的確保者、不要瞻前顧後；同時，我也必須努力成為一個更好的確保者，讓其他人也放心將安全託付給我。這份看似有些倉促的信任，帶來了意想不到的結果：雖然我跟大家一起攀岩不過數月，但是我常常感覺我們認識了更久。
我記得剛開始戶外攀岩時，我時常感到不自在，因為我非常在意他人的目光——不只是其他人對我攀岩能力的評價，還有他們對我這個人的整體看法。我猜我可能是被以前的朋友們寵壞了——這麼多年他們看著我一路走來，大家的感情又好，所以我們相處起來非常舒服，但是出了這個小圈子，我就有點不知所措了。大家2020年初搬離灣區後不久，新冠疫情爆發，幾乎所有的社交活動都停擺，所以我有很長一段時間都沒有踏出我的圈子、去認識新朋友。我剛開始跟一群新認識的人攀岩時，我時常擔心其他人對我的看法，尤其是我狀態不佳或是犯錯的時候。我總是過度解讀別人對我說的話，給自己憑添許多（事後看來根本不必要的）壓力。我花了一段時間才明白，其實我好好做自己就好。我這一輩子身邊總是圍繞著許多非常好的人，而這不是沒有原因的。如果我繼續做最好的自己，並像以前那樣關心我身邊的人，我就能找到跟自己最契合的朋友。
最近一陣子灣區總是風雨交加，新的一年還沒有機會去戶外攀岩。我已經等不及雨季結束——2023年一定會充滿精彩的戶外冒險！
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