This weekend, I went to Tahoe for the first time this year. I remember one of my new year’s resolutions this year is to get better with snow and winter camping. Now it is almost May, but I have only camped twice this winter and hiked Mission Peak that one time when it snowed. I guess I haven’t been making much progress so far, so it’s good to squeeze in one more snow experience before it starts to get warm — this way I can at least say I did something with my new year’s resolution.
I am thankful for the opportunity to go out of town and learn something new this weekend. I injured my left shoulder while climbing at the end of February, and the great climbing momentum I have been building up since I came back from Taiwan came to an abrupt stop. I have been trying very hard to recover, but just as things started to move in a good direction and I started to lead hard routes again, I injured myself even worse. I am extremely desperate — sitting at home just constantly reminds me of my pain and injury. On top of that, work is getting more and more stressful, and a few other things did not go well in my personal life. Therefore, going to Tahoe to learn how to mountaineer turned out to be a much-needed escape.
Growing up on a subtropical island, I had almost no experience with snow. Although I lived in Chicago for 4 years, I have only dealt with urban and suburban snow. (I mostly stayed inside when it snowed anyways.) After I moved to California, I hiked Mt. Tallac in the snow, built an igloo at the trailhead at Mt. Shasta (because there was so much snow that we couldn’t go beyond the trailhead), hiked Echo Peak (from Adventure Mountain, which might or might not be allowed) but turned around halfway, drove up to the snow-covered Mauna Kea summit, and went on my first ski trip last year. That is all the (pitiful amount of) snow experience I have. I am planning on hiking Mt. Shasta with some friends in May, which requires mountaineering techniques and will be the most technical hike I have ever done. Although I have been doing a lot of reading and research, I still did not have a good sense of what to expect and how ready I am. Therefore, I decided to just go into the snow and try things out.
I learned a lot this weekend: mountaineering gears, footwork, post-holing, glissading, self-arrest, general safety in the snow, building snow anchors, rope work, and pitching a tent in the snow. (I didn’t get to practice hiking in crampons too much because the snow was too soft.) It turns out what we did at Mt. Tallac in 2015 was, indeed, mountaineering, but without any gears, proper clothing, or knowledge. (I will never hike in the snow, post-hole, or glissade down a slope in yoga pants and non-waterproof hiking shoes again. Ever.) It was one of the most memorable hikes in my life, and at the end of the day, everyone had a blast. However, eight years later I still remember how scared and miserable I was for a significant portion of the hike — I was all wet, and for every step I took, I fell at least two-thirds of a step back. Glissading was also extremely scary, especially without any braking mechanism. (I did not even know the word “glissade” back then.) I would not trade that experience for anything else. In hindsight, however, if we had been a little more prepared, the whole experience would have been a lot more pleasant and safer for all of us. After this weekend, I can’t say I am an expert, but I do feel a lot more prepared for Shasta. I have a much better understanding of what to expect, what I will need, and what else I should work on in the next few weeks.
After spending all these years outdoors, I noticed that the more I learn about the backcountry, the more humble I get. Mountaineering (and being outdoors in general, for that matter) is not just about fitness, but also about the wealth of knowledge around it, being able to respect Mother Nature, and appreciating the experience (a lot of time with partners, too). To me, it is not about conquering anything anymore — I have already gone through that mental journey by going up Half Dome 3 times. (If there is anything to conquer, that will be my own fear.) It is about becoming a better version of myself, filling my life with intense experience, and fully enjoying the journey. I still need to get physically stronger for Shasta, but mentally I feel ready because I know why I am doing this. I am doing it for myself as well as for the people I love and care so much about. I am carrying on the legacy of my old friends while trying to build experiences with new friends. I am going to give it my best shot. Regardless of the outcome, I am sure I will enjoy and embrace the experience.
這週末是我今年第一次去太浩湖。我記得年初時，我其中一個新年願望是要讓自己更擅長在雪中活動和冬季露營。眼看五月在即，我今年冬天卻只有露過兩次營，並在米慎峰下雪時去爬了一次。我覺得我目前為止還沒有很認真地實現我的新年願望，所以我至少應該在天氣變暖之前，再嘗試一次雪地活動。如此一來，我至少還能自欺欺人的告訴自己，我為我的新年願望努力過了。
我非常感謝這個週末能有一個出門去學習新知的機會。我的左肩在二月底攀岩時受傷了，我從台灣回來後一路高歌猛進的勢頭戛然而止。我一直在努力地復健，但是就當一切好不容易開始慢慢好轉、我又開始先鋒困難的路線時，我又受傷了，而且這次的傷勢更加嚴重。我十分絕望，而且呆坐在家總是讓我不斷地想起我的傷勢和疼痛。除此之外，最近一陣子工作的壓力越來越大，生活上也是諸事不順，所以去太浩湖學習冬季登山成了一個非常必要的出口。
我在亞熱帶的台灣長大，雪地裡的經驗幾乎為零。雖然我在芝加哥住了四年，但是基本上都是在市區和郊區（下雪的時候我也盡量避免出門）。搬來加州後，我在雪中登上過塔拉克山、在沙斯特山的登山步道起點蓋過雪屋（因為當時的積雪太深，我們哪兒都去不了）、嘗試過太浩湖畔的回聲峰，但是因為積雪的原因半途而廢、開車到白雪覆蓋的毛納基火山山頂，然後去年才第一次嘗試滑雪。以上就是我少得可憐的雪地經驗。我計畫五月和朋友嘗試攀登沙斯特山。沙斯特山是加州的第五高峰，海拔超過4,300 公尺，需要一定的的冬季登山技巧，也將是我嘗試過技術性最高的一座山峰。雖然我已經做了許多準備和研究，我還是不太清楚高海拔的冬季登山到底是怎麼一回事，以及我到底有沒有準備好，所以我決定乾脆去雪中親自體驗一下。
我這個週末學了很多：冬季登山的裝備、雪地裡的步法、滑行、制動、雪中的安全、雪地錨、繩索，以及在雪地中搭帳篷。（可惜天氣太溫暖、積雪太鬆軟，所以我沒有機會練習冰爪。）我發現其實我們2015年在塔拉克山上做的事就是冬季登山，但是我們當時沒有任何裝備、合適的衣物，和任何相關的知識。（我這輩子再也不會穿著瑜珈褲和不防水的登山鞋在雪中登山或是滑行了。）那是我這輩子印象最深刻的登山經驗之一，我和我的朋友們一起打造了最令我們難忘的回憶，但是直到八年之後的今天，我還記得我大部分的時間是多麼的害怕和焦慮——我基本上全身濕透、每往前走一步就至少要往後滑落三分之二步。雖然事後說起來很好笑，但是從山頂上滑下來是一件很可怕的事，尤其我們的當時沒有任何煞車機制。（我當時根本不知道滑行是一項冬季登山的技巧。）我一點都不後悔這段登山經驗，但是如果當時我們多做一些準備的話，我們的旅程會更加安全。有了這個週末的經驗之後，我不敢自稱專家，但是心理上，我覺得我對沙斯特山的準備更充分了。至少我現在對我們將要面對的挑戰、我還需要些什麼、接下來幾週還要做那些準備有了更透徹的了解。
過去近九年，花了許多時間在戶外之後，我發現我學得越多，就越感到謙卑。冬季登山（說實在的，還有任何戶外活動）不只關係到一個人的體能，還包括豐富的知識、尊重大自然，以及（很多時候和同伴一起）享受過程。對我來說，這不再是為了證明自己或是征服什麼——透過三登半穹頂的心路歷程，我已經達成了自我實現的目標（如果還有任何事需要征服，那只是我的恐懼）——而是成為更好的自己、讓我的人生充滿難忘的經驗，並充分享受我的旅程。生理上，我還需要為沙斯特山鍛鍊身體，但是心理上，我覺得我準備好了，因為我知道我為什麼要嘗試登上這座山峰：我是為了我自己，也是為了許多我深愛的、關心的人。我將帶著我對老友們的回憶和承諾，和新朋友們一起建立屬於我們的回憶。我將全力以赴，不管結果如何，我相信我一定會享受這段旅程。
