Just like our camping trips, Feuerzangenbowle, and thesis defense parties, turducken is one of my favorite things about my time at Stanford.
It all started in 2014, when a group of international students tried to figure out what to do over Thanksgiving since travelling home was not an option. Our friend Adam, who is from upstate New York, suggested that we make a turducken, the most American thing we had ever heard of. Of course, we were up for it. At first, no one knew what we were supposed to do. We just all showed up at Barnes at 6am waiting for tasks to be assigned. Adam was busy deboning the turkey, so when I quietly asked him how could I help, he (absentmindedly, I guess) handed me a knife and asked me to debone the chicken. Thanks to my brother, a professional chef who taught me how to debone birds a few years ago, I came back with the chicken deboned ten minutes later and asked what else I could do. Adam raised his eyebrow and asked if I could debone the duck too. So, I did. Everyone was quite amused – I guess no one expected me (i.e. a friendly, unaggressive, small Asian woman) to tear out all the bones from two birds so quickly, even before Adam finished deboning the turkey. For the rest of the morning, everyone kept making fun of me (in the nicest way) while drinking mimosa. This was how I got my permanent job as the Chief Deboner.
After we assembled the birds, bacon, and stuffing into a turducken through a very aggressive process, we hauled it over to Rains to cook. On our way, we almost dropped it in Escondido Village because the turducken was so heavy and our disposable aluminum turkey pan could barely hold it. Matthijs, our host in Rains, spent almost a week leading up to the party cleaning up the apartment, during which one full day was dedicated to scraping and cleaning the oven. Thanks to all his hard work, by the time we got to Rains, all we had to do was sticking the turducken into the oven and let it cook for about 9 hours, and we all went home to take a nap after an exhausting morning.
The party in the evening was a huge success. We made mulled wine to go with the turducken, which also turned into a tradition. We had about 20 people over and met a lot of new friends. Everyone enjoyed the turducken and we all had a great time. Cleaning up after such a big party was quite a bit of work, but we all thought we did something really cool together and were very proud of ourselves. We decided to do it again the following year.
In 2015, we learned from our previous experience and made some upgrades. For example, Callisto got a real stainless steel turkey tray for her birthday. Therefore, we no longer had to worry about dropping the turducken while transporting it from Barnes to Rains. In addition, with over 40 guests this year, we started to use disposable cups, plates, and utensils so that we didn’t have to do multiple rounds of dishes during the party. This also made cleaning up a lot easier.
2016 was the year when Adam moved back to New York and I became a vegetarian, but this did not stop us from keeping the tradition going. Matthijs, in partnership with Youtube tutorials, took over deboning the turkey, while I continued to be responsible for the other birds even though I wouldn’t eat them. We got another hardware upgrade this year since Callisto’s birthday present was a stainless steel turkey baster. (Callisto getting turducken accessories for her birthday seemed to become part of the tradition.) Further, Matthijs and Jana moved to Oak Creeks, so we moved our entire base over to prepare, assemble, cook the turducken and have the party all at the same place. This might have been when 1812 Sandhill Road started to become our social center until Matthijs and Jana moved back to Europe. Since we moved to a new place this year, we had a few small hiccups: halfway through making the turducken, we realized we did not have heat-resistant twine (we only had polyethylene twine, which we did not intend to use in the oven) and breakfast (although we did have plenty of mimosa). We had to pause and I got hangry. Thankfully, Steve came to the rescue shortly from Mountain View. He brought us the proper twine and chocolate-covered croissants. It was lovely.
I think 2017 was the year when we perfected our process from all our lessons learned in the past three years. We had a sleepover at Matthijs and Jana’s apartment the night before so that we would be ready to go the next morning, and we had everything we needed. Everyone had a job: Matthijs deboned the turkey, Jana held the tablet for him so that he could follow a Youtube tutorial, I deboned everything else, Callisto made stuffing and drank the most mimosa, Felix danced around and made the gravy, Steve made breakfast and babysat everyone. Since this was the 4th turducken we made, we decided to toss in a 4th bird: a Cornish game hen. As per tradition, I proudly finished deboning the chicken, duck, and hen before Matthijs finished deboning the turkey. However, we did have a small glitch at the end – it took longer than expected to cook the turducken because of the additional bird, so Matthijs had to give a 15-minute toast to distract our guests while we frantically measured the temperature of the turducken. Other than that, everything was perfect.
In 2018, half of us graduated and started to work, so it was a little more difficult to coordinate the party. Thankfully, we were still able to make it happen. It was the 5th anniversary of turducken, an incredible milestone for our beloved tradition. Instead of mulled wine, our boba tea master Steve added a cool twist to the party by making and serving boba tea. We also got another hardware upgrade for the 5th anniversary: this time Matthijs (not Callisto) received a professional stainless steel turkey carving set from Stijn for his birthday. Since we were approaching the end of our graduate school life, we did not know where everyone would be the following year and whether we could make another turducken together, we partied as if it was the last turducken. It was a blast.
It turned out that most of us were still around in 2019, so we decided to keep our great tradition going. However, we knew this would really be the last time, at least for a while, since many of us would be leaving the Bay Area in 2020. We had additional team members (Fabi and Niels) and truly made a grand finale out of it. When we said goodbye to each other outside of 1812 Sandhill the next day, it was very emotional because we all knew it was the last time that we were all together in that apartment. We promised that after our dispersion, we would continue to explore the world together, just like how we used to explore California together. We thought we would see each other again soon, but little did we know what 2020 had in store for us (and the rest of the world).
Making turducken happen again this year is like a dream come true. So much had happened to us since we last saw each other in person: moves, new jobs or new roles, marriage, family members passing away, new relationships, pregnancy…etc. While we did a good job staying connected during the pandemic, it was still very different from giving someone a warm hug when they needed it the most. We have been monitoring the travel ban against the EU for a very long time, and we were all overjoyed when it was finally feasible for everyone to visit. Since the earliest possible time for everyone to come over to California is in November, we decided to bring back our favorite tradition and make another turducken together over Thanksgiving.
When everyone stepped into our home on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I almost cried. When I finally got to hug everyone after almost two years, I felt like I was in a dream and overwhelmed with euphoria. In the next few days, we did all the great things we used to do together: hiking, cooking, eating and drinking, playing games, dancing, catching up on life, reminiscing about the good old days, gossiping about Stanford Chemistry, and most importantly, making the turducken together end-to-end – from deboning the birds at 6 in the morning to cleaning up at 1 in the next morning. (We went a little too hard on Thursday, but it was awesome – I guess we were all just so happy to see each other again and forgot to save up for the main party on Friday.) I felt nostalgic but at the same time hopeful for the future — I am excited about all the things that we might be able to do together again once the pandemic is over. I was so happy and I couldn’t ask for anything more.
This was also the first time in 12 years that I felt like I was really celebrating a holiday. Since I moved to the US, I never went home for Chinese New Year, when the rest of my family got together to celebrate, or for any other holiday that I grew up with. I almost never celebrated US holidays either because I was almost always on a plane back to Taiwan on Christmas day. Our previous turducken parties were the closest to holiday celebrations for me, but this was the first time we hosted it in our house, and we had the whole crew stay with us. I jokingly said that I felt like a grandma, and all my grandkids came home for the holiday. I was very excited about coordinating everyone’s stay, meal planning, and making sure everyone feel at home. I cooked a lot for everyone (just like what I used to do when we went camping together) and I am so happy to welcome everyone to our home. After a rough and chaotic 2020, I think my heart finally felt content.
In the past almost two years, I had a lot of unreconciled emotions. Because of COVID, I missed out on important moments in my friends’ lives, and they missed out on mine. The past two years should have been a golden time, during which I am energetic and financially independent, and we are still relatively free to do a lot of fun things together. Yet we were locked down most of the time. While I think we managed to make the best of a challenging situation, it was still very far from what I had hoped for, especially given what my family and I had to go through. Now we are all in our thirties, our paths will probably deviate more as we move on with our jobs and family responsibilities. To some extent, I think turducken this year made up for what we missed out on in the past twenty months. While I still wish we had been able to do more together, this reunion brought me so much joy and gratitude that I am finally willing to accept what happened and move on. It almost feels like I can now willingly bid farewell to my youthful twenties and start a new phase of my life, together with my friends around the world.
I am extremely grateful for meeting the best group of friends I can ever ask for at Stanford. We bonded over our characters – we see things deep down that we share regardless of who we are on the outside; that’s why even after spending many years with these people, I am still always finding out new things about them, and these new things always inspire wonders. Another thing I love about this group is our commitment – we are always up for things and we show up. For example, once we decided to make a turducken together again this year, my main concerns were uncertainties around international travel restrictions. There wasn’t a single second that I suspect someone would bail on the rest of the team, and this level of trust is something I found incredibly precious. All the memories we built together can still light up a smile on my face when I think of them in my eighties (if I live that long). Now that I am over three years out from graduate school, I had already forgotten how to operate a beamline end station or culture cells, but I still remember all the joy and exhilaration I felt when I went camping, made turduckens, and celebrate milestones with my friends. I know nothing in the world lasts forever, and we will all be moving on with our lives, so I am just thankful for everything we already have. I believe we will continue to be a part of each other’s lives, no matter where we are at – after all, when we gather, we are a flaming campfire; when we scatter, we are a skyful of shiny stars.
火鴨雞顧名思義，就是一道火雞包著鴨肉，鴨肉又包著雞肉的菜餚，也是我在史丹佛最美好的回憶之一。
一切要從 2014 年說起，我們一群回不了家的國際學生正為了感恩節的計畫傷透腦筋。我們的一位朋友 Adam 是出身紐約上州、土生土長的美國人。他向我們提議做一隻火鴨雞，那是我們聽過最「美國」的概念，所以我們歡天喜地地答應了。一開始沒有人知道「做一隻火鴨雞」到底代表著什麼，所以我們在約定好的當天，早上六點鐘準時出現在 Adam 和 Callisto 住的 Barnes，等著被分派任務。一大早，Adam 就忙著替火雞去骨，所以當我小聲地問他有什麼我可以幫忙的地方時，他心不在焉地塞給我一把刀，指派我替雞去骨。我弟弟是位專業的廚師，幾年前教過我幫家禽去骨，雖然我沒有他庖丁解牛般的純熟功力，我還是在十分鐘之後剔骨完畢，回頭問 Adam 還有沒有我可以幫忙的地方。他揚起眉毛看了我和一大盤雞肉一眼，叫我把鴨子的骨頭也剔了，所以我就照辦了。幫鴨子也去完骨之後，Adam 還在跟火雞較勁，也沒有其他任務給我，在場的所有人都被這個情況逗樂了——我猜，應該沒有人料到我一個（表面上）溫暖友善、看起來毫無攻擊性的亞洲小女生能這麼快就把兩隻鳥給肢解了，還沒事人兒似的坐到一邊看著 Adam 一個大男人繼續跟火雞搏鬥。早晨剩餘的時光，大家一邊喝著含羞草調酒一邊調侃我。此後六年，我就一直負責幫火雞以外的所有鳥類去骨。
我們透過一個非常具有攻擊性的過程，好不容易把火雞、鴨、雞、培根和餡料包裹成完整的火鴨雞之後，我們把它扛到了Matthijs 住的 Rains 去烤，因為這是我們晚上開派對的地方。在運送的路途中，我們差點把火鴨雞掉在地上，因為它實在是太沉重了，我們用的一次性鋁烤盤有些不堪負荷。在這之前，Matthijs 花了將近一整個禮拜的時間打掃他的套間宿舍，其中有整整一天被用來刷烤箱。因為他的辛苦付出，我們歷盡千辛萬苦把火鴨雞運送到 Rains 之後，只需要把它送進烤箱，細火慢炙大約九個小時就可以了。此時大家都累壞了，分別回家去睡了回籠覺。
晚上的派對非常成功，我們做了熱香料酒搭配火鴨雞，從此之後熱香料酒也成為了傳統的一部分。我們大約有二十多位客人，大家一起享受美食，也認識了許多新朋友，賓主盡歡。雖然派對結束後繁重的清潔工作讓大家感到有些力不從心，但是我們都覺得我們一起做了一件很特別的事，並相約明年再來。
2015年，我們從去年的經驗吸取了教訓，對火鴨雞的製程進行了升級。比方說，Callisto在她生日時收到了一個不鏽鋼製的堅固火雞烤盤，從此之後我們再也不用擔心在運輸途中不小心把火鴨雞掉在地上了。這一年，我們的派對出席人數翻倍，來到了將近四十人，所以我們開始使用了免洗杯盤和餐具，如此一來，我們就不需要在派對期間輪流洗好幾次碗，事後的清潔工作也輕鬆許多。
2016年，Adam搬回了紐約，我也開始吃素，但是這並沒有動搖我們維持火鴨雞優良傳統的決心。Matthijs 靠著 Youtube上的教學影片，接手了幫火雞去骨的重責大任，而我則是繼續包攬了火雞以外的所有家禽（不過我不再吃肉了）。今年還有一項硬體升級：Callisto的生日禮物是一支不鏽鋼的火雞滴油管，從此之後我們再也不需要擔心幫火雞滴油時，滴油管會裂開了。（Callisto在生日時收到火鴨雞的相關配件似乎也成了傳統的一部分了。）這一年，Matthjis 和 Jana 一起搬進了學校外的 Oak Creeks 宿舍，所以我們決定轉移陣地，在他們家準備火鴨雞，烤好後晚上直接在他們家開派對。（我想，這應該是他們家日後成為我們的社交中心的濫觴。）因為搬到了新場地，我們碰到了幾個意料之外的小問題：我們沒有捆綁火鴨雞用的麻繩（Jana只有聚乙烯做的繩子，而我們不打算把聚乙烯放進烤箱），也沒有早餐（含羞草調酒的供應倒是十分豐富）。我沒吃早餐脾氣就會特別暴躁，所以大家一致通過不要讓我一直拿著菜刀，加上沒有麻繩，我們被迫中途暫停，好險 Steve 從 Mountain View 緊急馳援，為我們帶來了麻繩和巧克力可頌。一切又都十分美好了。
我想，2017年是我們在汲取了歷年的教訓之後，終於完善了火鴨雞製程的一年。我們前一天晚上就在 Matthijs 和 Jana 家打地舖過夜，準備隔天一早上工，而且這次我們備齊了所有的工具。隔天早上，每個人都各司其職：Matthjis 幫火雞去骨；Jana 拿著平板電腦放教學影片，讓他一邊看一邊切；我繼續包辦火雞之外的所有鳥類；Felix 繞著屋子跳舞幫大家加油打氣，後來還做了肉汁；Callisto 做了餡料，並以一己之力喝完了大部分的含羞草調酒；Steve 則像個保姆，幫我們做了早餐，並確保我們一大早頭腦不清時不要做出什麼太出格的事。這是我們一起做的第四隻火鴨雞，所以除了原本的三隻鳥之外，我們決定加入第四隻小母雞，而我又不負眾望地趕在 Matthijs 幫火雞踢完骨之前處理完了另外三隻鳥。唯一的小意外發生在派對開始時：因為多了一隻小母雞，所以今年的火鴨雞花了比預期中久的時間才煮熟，Matthijs被迫進行了一場十五分鐘的致詞，掩護我們在他背後手忙腳亂地測量火鴨雞溫度。除此之外，一切都很完美。
2018年是火鴨雞的五週年，對我們來說是個重大的里程碑，所以我們決定增加一個創新元素：這一年我們沒有做熱香料酒，而是請 Steve 現場幫大家做珍珠奶茶。這一年的硬體升級不是來自 Callisto，而是Matthijs：他生日時收到了一組不鏽鋼的專業火雞刀具。由於我們有一半的人已經畢業開始工作了，另一半的人也即將邁入研究所的尾聲，我們不知道下一年還有沒有機會一起做火鴨雞，所以我們把這一場派對當成最後一場盡興狂歡，不留遺憾。
結果到了2019年，我們大部分的人都還在灣區，所以我們理所當然地延續了我們的優良傳統，又做了一隻火鴨雞。不過這次我們知道真的是（至少短期內）的最後一次了，因為到了2020年，除了我和 Steve之外，其他人都將離開灣區、各奔前程。這一年我們有了新成員（Jana的妹妹 Fabi和妹婿 Niels），所以準備火鴨雞的過程比往年更熱鬧歡樂，晚上的派對也確實是一場盛大無比的終章。隔天早上的道別非常感性（意思就是我和Jana抱著大哭），因為我們知道這是我們最後一次一起站在那裡、我們的Oak Creeks 社交中心即將謝幕了。我們互相保證，即使我們四散各方，我們還是要一起踏遍全世界，一如我們唸研究所時一起踏遍加州。當時我們都認為我們很快就會再見面，並延續我們的探險故事，但是我們都不知道，2020年將為我們的生活帶來天翻地覆的巨變。
今年我們能一起讓火鴨雞重出江湖，對我來說簡直是夢想成真。自新冠疫情爆發以來，我們每個人的生命中都發生了太多重要的變化：搬家、新工作、結婚、家人過世、新戀情、懷孕……等等。雖然我們盡可能地保持聯繫，但是電話跟視訊畢竟還是跟擁抱不一樣。我們時時刻刻關注著美國的旅行禁令，當11月對歐盟的禁令終於解除時，我們真的是喜出望外。因為臨近感恩節，我們決定在加州聚首，宣告火鴨雞的重磅回歸。
當大家在周三陸陸續續地踏進我們的家門時，我感動得熱淚盈眶。當我們在將近兩年後終於再度聚首，我彷彿置身夢境、開心得不知所措。接下來的幾天裡，我們重溫了許多我們以前喜愛一起做的事：爬山、做飯、吃吃喝喝、玩桌遊、跳舞、聊天、懷舊、八卦史丹佛的化學系，當然還有最重要的：一起做一隻火鴨雞——從早晨六點的剔骨，到隔天凌晨一點的清場。我心中充盈著舊時的情懷，但同時也對未來充滿希望：在疫情結束後，我期待能和大家一起繼續我們未竟的夢想。
這也是十二年來，我第一次真正感到了過節的氣氛。自從我搬到美國之後，我就從來沒有在春節（或任何其他重要的華人節日）回過台灣，只能羨慕地看著台灣的家人們圍爐團圓。我也幾乎沒有慶祝過美國的節日，因為我的聖誕節幾乎都是在回台灣的飛機上度過的。往年的火鴨雞派對大概是對我來說最接近過節的了，但是今年是第一次在我們家裡舉辦，第一次讓大家一起住在我們家裡。我開玩笑地說，感覺自己好像一個老奶奶，所有的孫兒們都回家跟我一起過節了。大家抵達的前兩個禮拜，我就興奮地籌劃大家的食宿，確保所有人都能感到賓至如歸。我做了好多菜給大家吃（就像我們以前一起露營時一樣），也很開心能在我們的新家招待大家。經歷了混亂又躁動的2020，我終於又感到心平氣和了。
坦白說，過去近兩年裡，我有非常非常多的不甘心。因為新冠疫情的影響，我錯過了許多好友們生命中的重要時刻，他們也同樣錯過我的里程碑。在我的理想中，過去兩年原本應該是我們的黃金歲月：我們都年輕、有活力、開始經濟獨立，也還沒有開始承擔太多的家庭責任，所以我們應該有很多時間一起揮灑剩餘的青春，但是我們大部分的時間卻在封城中度過了。雖然我覺得我們在疫情的限制下已經做到最好，但是還是跟我期望中的黃金歲月相去甚遠，所以我意難平。如今我們都邁入三字頭的年齡，從此之後，我們人生旅途交錯的機會大概就更少了。就某種程度而言，今年的火鴨雞彌補了我們過去近兩年失落的時光，雖然我依然希望新冠肺炎從未發生、我們依然能在過去兩年中一起實現踏遍世界的遠大夢想，但這次的重逢帶給了我久違的喜悅和熱血，所以我甘心了——我終於放下了將近兩年的意難平，平靜地和我二十幾歲的青春揮手道別，踏上人生的新階段。
我感謝天，讓我在史丹佛遇見我能想像得出的最好的朋友。我們的目光穿透了彼此的表象，看見了我們靈魂深處的共鳴。正因如次，即使我們已經認識了八年多、花了許多時間一起奮鬥、一起探險，我還是常常在他們身上發現我未曾見過的一面，而這些新發現往往讓我讚嘆不已。我們之間的「君子重然諾」更是讓我覺得彌足珍貴——只要我們一起決定做一件事，我們總是全員到齊。比方說這次我們決定要跨越國界一起再做一隻火雞鴨，我最擔心的事就是國際旅行禁令的變化，卻從來不曾有片刻懷疑有人會臨時退出。當我年歲漸長，我越能體會到這種信任的難能可貴。我把我們一起度過的所有美好時光，都加了點鹽，醃起來，風乾，期待老的的時候，下酒。從研究所畢業三年多，我已經忘記該如何操作同步加速器的終端站、忘記該如何做細胞培養，但是我們每一次一起露營、一起做火鴨雞、為彼此慶祝通過論文口試等等所帶給我的喜悅和感動，卻依舊鮮明無比地烙印在我心中。我知道天下無不散的筵席，但即便如此，我仍然對我們過去的時光充滿感恩。我相信以後無論我們身在何方，我們依然會是彼此生命中不可磨滅的一部分，畢竟自從我們認識以來，我們始終聚是一團火，散是滿天星。
