親愛的媽媽，
生日快樂！一晃眼，快要四年了。有時候我翻著我們以前的照片，看著看著就恍惚了，彷彿身陷一個漫長的夢境，心中還抱著一絲僥倖——萬一有一天我醒了，發現妳其實從未離去呢？
這兩年，我在曉彤的影響下，學了許多毛不易的歌。這首《一葷一素》，是毛不易寫給他因為癌症過世的媽媽的。妳大概猜到了，這也是一首我一聽就破防的歌——我在這首歌中聽見了妳，而中間那段關於年輕人的歌詞，更是道盡了盤桓在我心底的疑問。我不到十八歲離家，在廣闊的世界四處闖蕩、追求更高更遠的夢想，我的雙眼總是望著高高的天，鮮少回頭。結果無疑是成功的，我早早成為了能獨當一面的人，無論是學業、工作、家庭、生活，挑不出一點需要妳擔心的地方。但是代價是過去十幾年來，我一年在家的時間平均不到一個月。雖然在妳離世前幾年，我在臺灣的所有時間幾乎都留給了妳，但我還是覺得不夠，我也從來不敢細想，在過去的某一刻，我是否應該停下我遠行的腳步？
毛不易在創作這首歌時，曾說他人生的遺憾是媽媽沒能看到他現在在歌壇取得的成就。我或許比他稍微幸運一些，妳離開前看到我跟妳一樣，從全世界最頂尖的大學拿到博士學位，看到我進了財星世界五百大的公司工作、嫁了一個讓妳放心的好老公。妳走了之後，我不僅僅是「過得還可以」——我常常覺得自己是在肆無忌憚地野蠻生長，我更快速地達成了更多的人生里程碑，每一個我都希望妳能看見。妳總是鼓勵我去追求我的夢想、從未叫我回頭，我不知道妳是否曾經後悔，但是我希望當妳看著現在的我時，會感到欣慰和驕傲。
希望有一天，明月清風能伴著妳來到我的夢裡——我真的好想好想再見一見妳。
太年輕的人 他總是不滿足
固執地不願停下 遠行的腳步
望着高高的天走了長長的路
忘了回頭看 她有沒有哭
Dear Mom,
Happy birthday! Can’t believe it has almost been four years. When I look through our photos together, sometimes I fall into a trance as if I were trapped in a long dream — what if I finally wake up one day and find out that you have never left?
Thanks to Hsiao-Tung, I have been learning many Mao Buyi’s songs in the past two years. Mao Buyi wrote “Mom’s Cooking” for his mother, who died from cancer. As you might have guessed, I broke down when I first heard this song. I heard you in the melody, and the lyrics about a stubborn young person unwilling to slow down their pace hit me really hard. I left home before I turned 18 to explore the vast world and chase my dreams. My eyes have always looked up to the sky, and I rarely turned back. The results are undoubtedly successful — I was able to stand on my own feet at a young age. Whether it’s my schoolwork, professional career, family, or life, you don’t need to worry about a single thing. The cost, however, is that on average, I spent less than a month a year at home in the past ~15 years. Although I spent almost all my time in Taiwan with you in the few years before you left, I still don’t think it was enough. I also never dared to think if I should have slowed down my pace at some point in the past.
When Mao Buyi was writing this song, he said one of the biggest regrets in his life is that his mother never got to see his accomplishments in music. I guess I am a little bit luckier than him. At least you got to see me get my Ph.D. from a top university, just like you. You got to see me start my career in a Fortune 500 company and marry the best husband I could ever ask for. After you left, I am not just “doing okay” — I have been thriving, almost in a rampant manner. I achieved many milestones faster than I ever did, and I wish you could have seen every single one of them. You always encouraged me to pursue my dreams and never asked me to look back. I don’t know if you ever regretted it, but I hope you can look at who I am now and feel happy and proud.
I hope one day, moonlight and breeze can accompany you into my dream — I really, really, really want to see you again.
Too young of a person, she is always unsatisfied
Stubborn and unwilling to slow down her pace
Looking at the high sky, walking on a long road
(She) forgot to turn back to see if she cried