《平凡之路》| “The Ordinary Road”

今年開始自學吉他之後，為許多人唱了歌。這首《平凡之路》是唱給我自己的。第一次聽到這首歌時是鋼琴版的，當時只覺得主旋律非常澎湃昂揚，但是因為沒有歌詞，所以花了一番功夫才找到這首歌的名字。看了歌詞之後覺得頗有共鳴，所以又找了吉他譜開始練了起來。以我當時的程度來說，這首歌算是很有難度的：吉他的部分，有撥弦也有刷弦，所以我必須學習如何把撥片藏在我還不甚靈活的手指之間。對於只會彈和弦的我來說，幾個小節的旋律也有些勉強。歌唱的部分，這首歌大部分的旋律是在我不擅長的低音域（所以後來吉他變音夾還是夾了一品，不然最低音唱不下去），而且整首歌的音域跨度廣，從我能唱的最低音一路到將近我能穩定發揮的最高音。這首歌滄桑的曲風，對於以往習慣唱輕快民謠的我來說，也是很難掌握的。即便如此，我還是學得很認真，雖然中間回了台灣一個半月，但是回來之後，練習得更加起勁了——或許是因為我越來越能體會這首歌的意境了吧？

我覺得我現在走的是一條很平凡的道路，但是一邊唱著這首歌，我就會回想起以前我最光芒萬丈、最不平凡的歲月。或許是受到爸爸鼓勵我「勇敢做夢」的影響，我從小就立志走一條不平凡的路：小學時，我在老師們的眼中是叛逆卻才華洋溢、不認真唸書卻頗有大將之風，所以大家對我日後的發展前景沒有定論；上了國中後的某天突然開竅、開始發奮向上之後，我締造了許多輝煌的紀錄，全校第一名直到畢業；高中之後，我有了不一樣的目標，頂著班導的壓力成功走出了一條自己的路，而且期間不論是儀隊表演還是參加各種比賽，我都看得見自己散發的光芒；大學時，我在學業和研究上取得成功，社團和課外生活也是精彩紛呈，畢業時我拿了雙主修還有一個碩士，還以一個外國人之姿橫掃了系上各大獎項；進入史丹佛大概是我當年想像得到最登峰造極的一條路了，即使在這麼頂尖這麼競爭的環境裡，我依然能展露鋒芒，成為學校小有名氣的人物，畢業後也進入財星五百大的公司工作。但是在努力發光了這麼多年之後，我發現到最後我必須要面對的事情和所有人都一樣——我只是一條平凡之路上的平凡人。

即使我曾經登上最巍峨的山巔、見過最浩瀚的海洋，我依然會墮入無邊的黑暗、無法自拔；即使我曾經穿過世界各個角落的人山人海，我依然會喪氣地想要毀了我的一切，只為了能永遠地離開。即使我進了史丹佛，我依然會碰到讓我差一點放棄學位的重大困境；即使我在人生的各個階段不斷取得新的成就，我摯愛的家人依然會離我而去；即使我的事業起步順利，我依然會在社會的階級和的官僚體系中一點一滴地窒息。所以經歷了這麼多年看似崢嶸的歲月，我似乎繞了一大圈又回到一條平凡的道路上。或許每個人到了人生的某個階段，都會有類似的感觸。我一直以為等到我五、六十歲，回首看這一生的豐功偉業，或許突然會有一切回歸平凡的感悟，沒想到我還不到三十歲，就已經走到了一條平凡的路上。不過同樣一條道路會有許多不同的走法，我的人生還很長，我有沒有辦法把這條平凡之路走得精彩燦爛呢？

（錄完這首歌，再回去聽了一次十月初錄的《親愛的旅人啊》，感覺就像兩個不同的人唱的——神韻不一樣，連音色也不一樣了。或許，我真的是跨越了兩個宇宙了吧？）

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Since I started to learn the guitar this year, I have sung many songs for many people. “The Ordinary Road” is a song I sang for myself. When I heard this song for the first time, it was a piano cover. I was moved by the soaring spirits of the main melody, but it took me a long time to find the name of this song without knowing the lyrics. After I finally found the original cover, I realized that I was resonating very strongly with the song, so I found the guitar sheet music and started to learn how to play it.

“The Ordinary Road” was a pretty challenging song for me given where I was. The guitar portion contains both plucking and strumming, which means I had to learn how to hide the guitar pick between my fingers when I pluck (and my fingers weren’t that flexible to begin with). The few measures of melody were also quite a stretch for me since I only knew how to play chords. The singing portion was difficult because the range of this song is a bit too low for me most of the time. (That’s why I had to use the capo on the first fret, otherwise I could not hit the lowest note.) The song also spans from the lowest note to almost the highest note in my vocal range. Furthermore, since I am more used to singing lively and cheerful folk songs, the somehow weary style of this song is not easy for me to grasp. However, I still put a lot of effort into learning it. Even though I was back in Taiwan for 6 weeks halfway through, I came back practicing even harder – perhaps it was because I started to truly understand the meaning of this song.

I feel like I am currently walking on an ordinary road, yet as I sing this song, I can’t help but think of the most brilliant, most extraordinary moments in my life. Perhaps because my dad always encourages me to dream big, I have aspired to walk an extraordinary path since I was a kid. When I was in elementary school, my teachers thought I was rebellious but talented, that I paid little attention to schoolwork but had the potential for a great leader. Therefore, no one knew how I would turn out. In middle school, I all of a sudden decided that I would study hard. Since then I made a lot of glorious records in my school, and was the top student all the way through. In high school, I found a different goal, and managed to walk my own path despite pressure from my teacher. I was also shinning outside of schoolwork, whether it was my THG performances or the various competitions I participated in. At Northwestern, I was very successful academically. My life outside of class was remarkably colorful and fulfilling, too. I graduated with a double major and a Master’s degree. On top of that, I scooped up all the major awards in my department as an international student and a woman of color. When I went to Stanford, I felt like I was walking on the most extraordinary path I could think of at that time. Although Stanford was an extremely competitive environment, I still managed to build my reputation on campus and got a job at a Fortune 500 company after I graduated. However, after shining so brightly for all these years, I started to realize that by the end of the day, I have to face all the same problems as everyone else — I am an ordinary person on an ordinary road.

Even though I have summited the most majestic mountains and seen the vastest oceans, I would still fall into dark abysses where I could not get out. Even though I have encountered crowds of people and their splendid lives all over the world, there were still moments when I wanted to abandon everything I had just to be gone forever. Even though I got into Stanford, I once found myself in a desperate situation where I almost gave up my PhD. Even though I kept achieving new accomplishments at every stage of my life, my beloved family members will still leave me. Even though it seems like I am having a great start to my career, I am still slowly suffocating from the bureaucracies and hierarchies in our society. After all these magnificent years, it seemed like I took a big detour only to find myself back on an ordinary road again. Perhaps all of us will feel this way at some point in our lives. I used to think when I am in my fifties or sixties, looking back at all the great achievements in my life, I might suddenly feel like everything is returning to the ordinary. I never thought that I would have already reached this point before I am thirty. However, there are many ways to walk the same road. I still have a long way to go – can I continue to shine on this ordinary road?

(After recording this song, I went back and listened to “Dear Traveler,” which I recorded back in early October. It does feel like two different people singing – my demeanor was different, and even my voice was different. Perhaps I did cross two different universes between now and then.)