《神隱少女》是一部我小時候很喜歡的宮崎駿動畫，我記得上映當年，我們還是全家到電影院一起看的。我對於主題曲《永遠同在》（《いつも何度でも》）的旋律也很熟悉，但是我從來沒想過有一天我能唱這首歌，因為我不會日文。直到今年八月我在Youtube上隨機循環播放，偶然之間又聽見了這段熟悉的旋律，這次還配上了熟悉的語言。我聽見的是吉島少兒合唱團唱的《親愛的旅人啊》，一查之下，才發現去年有人替《永遠同在》填了中文歌詞，成了這首《親愛的旅人啊》，新版的詞比《永遠同在》的中譯版更有意境、更能引起我的共鳴。原唱是一位我很喜歡的大陸男歌手：靠著《大魚》成名的周深。
那時候我正沉迷於新學不久的吉他，於是我趕緊找了這首歌的吉他譜練習了起來。十月初媽媽剛住院時，我還沒完全練熟，只來得及先錄音給爸爸媽媽聽，讓他們在醫院裡除了視訊外也能聽聽我的歌聲、幫他們加油打氣。後來影片錄好了，我卻沒來得及剪輯、拋下一切匆匆回台灣了。將近兩個月後，我終於開始處理影片。我看著自己笑著彈吉他唱歌的模樣，感到好陌生，因為那是在另一個宇宙——一個媽媽還在的宇宙、一個我滿心期待著年底要回台灣跟家人團聚的宇宙，絲毫沒有意識到即將發生的巨變。我想，我大概還要一段時間才有辦法再像這樣唱歌吧？
回顧我的一生，我就是個旅人，即使對我的家充滿留戀，我依然一次又一次地揚起遠行的帆——我十八歲從台灣一個人搬到了芝加哥、二十二歲搬到史丹佛、二十六歲再搬到東灣，至今已經在國外飄泊了十一年了。這期間我也去過了很多地方，大大拓展了我的世界：全美國的各大城市、加州的戶外勝地和幾乎全部的國家公園、加拿大、大陸、歐洲……回台灣時，爸爸媽媽每年也都很用心地帶我去我沒去過的地方。我一邊剪輯著我的影片，一邊想著在我的旅程上曾經與我同行的人：我的爸爸、媽媽、弟弟、所有的家人、中女318一起揮灑青春的同學、儀隊風雨同舟的夥伴、疼愛我的老師們、在西北大學看著我成長蛻變的人、史丹佛志同道合的好友、灣區所有關心我的人……我原本悲慟空洞的心逐漸被感恩填滿了——我何其有幸，在人生的旅途中能碰到這麼多美好的人，看著我登峰造極、看著我摔得粉身碎骨，再把我從萬丈深淵中拉出來。我感謝過去兩個月中所有陪伴我走過這段顛簸路程的人，讓我有了繼續前行的力量。
我從《親愛的旅人啊》中聽到的，就是人生必然持續向前推進。不論我們得到了什麼、失去了什麼、見證了什麼，不論我們對過去有多麽留戀，不論我們在旅途中碰到多少孤獨和悲傷，世界都不會因此而停止運轉。無論我們碰到多大的風浪，只要我們懷抱著希望、努力把每一天都過得精彩充實，相信到最後我們見到的都會是最充盈的景象。休息一陣子之後，我也要背起行囊，再去往更遠的遠方。
《親愛的旅人啊》（詞/沃特艾文兒） 就此告別吧 水上的列車就快到站 開往未來的路上 沒有人會再回返 說聲再見吧 就算留戀也不要回頭看 在那大海的彼端 一定有空濛的彼岸 做最溫柔的夢 盛滿世間行色匆匆 在渺茫的時空 在千百萬人之中 聽一聽心聲 一路不斷失去 一生將不斷見證 看過再多風景眼眸如初清澄 愛依舊能讓你動容 親愛的旅人 沒有一條路無風無浪 會有孤獨 會有悲傷 也會有無盡的希望 親愛的旅人 這一程會短暫卻又漫長 而一切終將 匯聚成最充盈的景象 Lalalalalalalala…… Lulululululu 就此告別吧 身後的燈火逐漸暗淡 每個戀家的孩子 都要揚起遠行的帆 說聲再見吧 美好的夢境不會消散 你的愛枕在臂彎 心臟將畢生柔軟 既然相遇是種 來自於時光的饋贈 那麼離別時 也一定要微笑著 回憶放心中 生命無限渺小 卻同樣無限恢弘 你為尋找或者告別耗盡一生 也足夠讓人心動 親愛的旅人 你仍是記憶中的模樣 穿過人群 走過人間 再去往更遠的遠方 你靈魂深處 總要有這樣一個地方 永遠在海面漂蕩 在半空中飛揚 永遠輕盈永遠滾燙 不願下沉不肯下降 Lalalalalalalala…… Lulululululu
Spirited Away is a Miyazaki animation that I really liked as a kid. I still remember when it was first released, my family went to the movie theater to see it together. I also love the theme song “Always with Me” (“Itsumo Nando Demo”), but I never thought I could sing it because I don’t speak Japanese. This past August, I heard this familiar melody on Youtube while it was randomly shuffling, this time in a familiar language. It turned out that Youtube recommended “Dear Traveler” performed by the Jidao Youth Choir to me. I did some research and found that last year someone wrote new Chinese lyrics for “Always with Me” (not a translation from the original Japanese lyrics), which then turned into “Dear Traveler.” I think the new Chinese lyrics are deeper and more artistic than the translation, and I resonate with it a lot more. The original singer is Zhou Shen, who is best known for his song “Big Fish.”
Back then I was obsessed with my guitar, so I found the guitar sheet music for “Dear Traveler” and started to practice. When my mom was first hospitalized in early October, I was not quite ready to perform this song yet, so I only recorded the audio file and sent it to my parents, hoping to cheer them up in the hospital. I recorded the video only a few days before I had to drop everything and go back to Taiwan, so I never had a chance to edit it. Almost two months later, I finally started to process my recording. When I looked at the footage, I almost forgot that I used to be able to smile and sing like that. It felt as though I was in a completely different universe, a universe where my mom was still around, and a universe where I was excited to see my family in Taiwan at the end of the year, not knowing what was about to hit us. I guess it will probably take some time before I can sing like this again.
Reflecting on my life, I have always been a traveler. I love my family and my home town, but I kept traveling further and further. I moved to Chicago from Taiwan on my own right when I turned 18, moved to Stanford when I turned 22, and then to the East Bay when I was 26 – I have been wandering abroad for over 11 years now. I have also traveled many places during this time: many big cities in the US, outdoors attractions and almost all national parks in California, Canada, Mainland China, Europe……etc. Even when I go back to Taiwan, my parents would make the effort to take me to places I have never been to before. As I worked through my video, I thought about the people who have traveled with me on my journey: my dad, my mom, my brother, my extended family, my TCGS 318 classmates, my buddies at THG, my teachers who cared for me, those who saw me grow and transform at Northwestern, my friends at Stanford who shared my passions, people in the Bay Area who supported me, and many, many more. Gratitude started to fill up my mourning, empty heart – I am so fortunate to have met so many wonderful people in my life who saw me laugh, saw me cry, saw me shattered, and saw me piece myself back together. I am thankful for everyone who kept me company in my bumpy journey in the past two months, and everyone who gave me the strength I needed to keep going on.
What I heard from “Dear Traveler” is that life will move on no matter what. No matter what we gain, what we lose, what we witness, no matter how nostalgic we are about the past, and no matter how much loneliness and sadness we might encounter in our journey, the world does not stop for anyone or anything. What we thought we lost might not actually be lost; instead, they turn into cherished memories in our hearts. No matter what storms we have to weather, as long as we stay hopeful and live our lives to the fullest, perhaps by the end our hearts will be filled with peace and content. After some more rest, I shall pack up and continue with my journey.
"Always with Me" (English translation from the original "Itsumo Nando Demo," not "Dear Traveler" -- hence slightly different sentiment.) Somewhere, a voice calls, in the depths of my heart May I always be dreaming, the dreams that move my heart So many tears of sadness, uncountable through and through I know on the other side of them I'll find you Everytime we fall down to the ground we look up to the blue sky above We wake to its blueness, as for the first time Though the road is long and lonely and the end far away, out of sight I can with these two arms embrace the light As I bid farewell my heart stops, in tenderness I feel My silent empty body begins to listen to what is real The wonder of living, the wonder of dying The wind, town, and flowers, we all dance one unity Somewhere a voice calls in the depths of my heart keep dreaming your dreams, don't ever let them part Why speak of all your sadness or of life's painfull woes Instead let the same lips sing a gentle song for you The whispering voice, we never want to forget, in each passing memory always there to guide you When a miror has been broken, shattered pieces scattered on the ground Glimpses of new life, reflected all around Window of beginning, stillness, new light of the dawn Let my silent, empty body be filled and reborn No need to search outside, nor sail across the sea Cause here shining inside me, it's right here inside me I've found a brightness, it's always with me
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