爸爸曾經對我說：「一個人一定要找到可以陪伴自己一輩子的興趣，這樣不管在生活上碰到什麼挫折或逆境，妳都不會迷失。」
我在人生不同的階段有許多不同的興趣，有些因為成長而逐漸離我遠去，有些因為太過耗時而逐漸被擠出我滿滿的時間表。幸運的是，我在研究所培養起來的許多興趣，諸如烘焙、慢跑、攀岩、露營、合唱……等等，似乎都有可以陪伴我一輩子的潛力。新冠肺炎爆發以來，因為法令的限制和安全的考量，許多興趣被迫中斷。其中除了完全中斷的攀岩之外，合唱大概是受影響最大的——室內合唱是傳播新冠肺炎風險最高的活動之一，而我自從2017年九月加入灣區的青青合唱團之後，我已經習慣了每週六大半天的時間都泡在合唱團，現在一下子不能練唱了，突然之間感覺生活中少了些什麼。
對於我們的指揮和各小組的負責人來說，最大的挑戰大概是要如何在無法團練的情況下維持大家歌唱的功力和對合唱團的歸屬感了。我們這個小組其實一直有些問題，雖然（除了我之外）大部分的人音樂的基礎都很扎實，大家平常相處也很愉快，但是過去兩年公演時報名的小節目似乎都在評選時收到許多改進的建議，沒辦法一次就過關。我知道我們有許多需要改進的地方，很大一部分是因為大家平常各自生活忙碌，對這個小組的期望不一樣，但是這畢竟是一個大家自願參加的團體，要求不能太高，我也沒有什麼具體的辦法改善我們的問題。團練暫停之後，我一度以為我們今年大概要解散了，沒想到大家居然決定要嘗試雲端合唱，目標是今年團慶要做出一支影片，並且利用這個機會好好把唱歌的基本功練扎實。（以前我們小組團練時，有一半的時間都在玩耍，雖然很歡樂，但是效率不免打了折扣。現在大家不能聚在一起了，自己在家裡練習的效率或許反而更高一些。）
為了解決以前大家的期望值和投入程度參差不齊的問題，我們在正式開始前還很認真地開了一次會，訂出了明確的目標、具體的時程表、每個人自己要練習的部分和要交的功課，然後我們浩大的製作工程就開始了。為了提升大家的歌唱水平，Martin 每個禮拜一晚上幫我們上一個小時課，如果有額外的問題，還可以私下找他補習。Hadi 在上課的前一個禮拜會幫他準備教材，而我在上課之前幫忙修訂這些講義。這些課堂的效果好得出乎意料：出席率一直維持得很高，大家也都很踴躍地發問。雖然每週上課的內容多到我消化不完，但是我也學了非常多唱歌的原理，對於唱歌用到的肌肉和生理構造也更加了解了（當然，離能得心應手地運用還有一段非常大的距離）。
我們每個人至少都交了三次錄音，每次錄完之後，自己要另外跟Martin 約時間聽講評，力求下一次的錄音能維持他點出的優點並感善改善他指出的問題。這個過程非常耗時耗力，但是兩個月下來的大家的進步也是有目共睹的——這是一個正向強化的過程，當大家看到自己的進步後，都越來越認真積極地練習了！大家交了最後一版的錄音帶之後，Martin又花了大概一兩百個小時的時間做後製，還請了外援幫忙剪接影片。第一次看到成品時，我忍不住一口氣連看了五六遍，因為我真的太為我們的小組感到驕傲了——幾個月前我們剛決定要製作這支影片時，我根本不敢想像大家聽起來能這麼合諧、最後的成果能達到這麼好的水平！最大的幕後功臣當然是 Martin，他帶領著我們一步一步完成我們的願景，他一個人投入的時間心力或許比我們另外八個人加起來都多。大家這幾個月來也都非常認真努力，不僅僅是達成了我們當初的最低要求，我們整體的歌唱水平也比過去提昇了不少。我相信我們下一支影片一定能做得更好，團練恢復後，我們一定也能為青青帶來水準更高的小節目。
對於我個人來說，這也是一趟豐富充實的學習旅程。我上研究所以前參加過的表演團體強度都比較高，練習時間長，大家的目標也一致，而我會參加這些團體，就是因為我喜歡那種所有人一起為了共同的目標奮不顧身、全力以赴的感覺。這是我第一次在一個表演團體中碰到期望值落差較大的情況，除了學習調整自己的心態、體諒大家在生活中都有各自的重心之外，也學習溝通，找出一個在大家時間和精力有限的情況下都可以接受的練習強度，同時也要確保我們最後成果的品質。在唱歌方面，雖然我的進展是我們小組裡最慢的，但是我在自己第一次和最後一次的錄音中還是聽到了明顯的進步。以前我對學樂理沒什麼耐心，唱歌基本上也是靠爸爸媽媽生給我一副好嗓子，從來沒有仔細琢磨過技巧。加入了WSingers 後，受到張指揮和各路高手的激勵，開始比較認真地學習視譜和注意歌曲的細節（當然，越學就越發現自己的不足，進步的空間越來越大）。過去幾個月來上 Martin 的課、聽他對我錄音的講評，雖然過程中充滿了挫敗感（因為有一些東西我老是學不會，Martin 換了一百種方法教我也沒用），但是我也學了不少用不同的部位發出不同的聲音的技巧，也比以前更勇於探索自己不熟悉的聲域。透過這個過程，我終於明白了為什麼爸爸說有了興趣就不會迷失——因為即使外在環境混亂紛擾、超出了我的控制，生活其他方面也碰到了困難和瓶頸，但是至少我的生命中還有一個部分——也就是我的興趣——還是不斷在進步著。即使我看不清其他的方向，至少在興趣這一條路上，我是不斷往前的。
My dad once told me, “You should find hobbies that can keep you company for the rest of your life. That way no matter what hardship you are going through, you will never be lost.”
I have had different hobbies at different stages of my life. Some of them became less interesting over time, and some of them could no longer fit into my busy schedule. Thankfully, most hobbies I picked up in grad school, such as baking, running, rock climbing, camping, and singing, could all potentially keep me company for the rest of my life. Since the COVID-19 outbreak, I was forced to stop many of my hobbies due to new public health restrictions. Other than rock climbing (the rock gyms are all closed), singing in my choir is probably the most impacted because it is one of the riskiest activities for spreading COVID-19. Since I joined Ching Ching Chorus in 2017, I have been spending most of my Saturday afternoons at rehearsals. Now rehearsals are suspended all of a sudden, I feel like something is missing from my life.
For our conductors and small program leaders, the biggest challenges are probably keeping everyone engaged and making sure that we are still making good progress while we are not allowed to rehearse in person. Our small group has always had some issues before COVID. Although everyone (except for me) has very strong music foundations, and we all get along well, somehow our singing just doesn’t come together quite right. We always got a lot of feedback during program reviews for Ching Ching’s annual performance, and we almost never passed in one go. I know there are a lot of things we can work on. However, everyone is busy and has different priorities in life. In addition, we all have different expectations and various levels of commitment to the group, so I didn’t really know how to make improvements systematically together as a group. After in-person rehearsal was suspended, I thought we probably wouldn’t do anything this year. Much to my surprise, everyone was very interested in trying out virtual choir and making a video for Ching Ching’s anniversary. We also wanted to take this opportunity to improve our singing skills. (When we used to rehearse in person, we spent half of our time chatting and hanging out. It was a lot of fun, but not necessarily the most efficient. Now that we cannot meet up in person, perhaps we can focus more on singing and the music when we rehearse by ourselves at home.)
To make sure everyone is aligned on expectations and commitment, we had a meeting before we started our video project. We set clear goals, came up with a specific timeline, and gave everyone homework assignments and deadlines. To help us improve our singing skills, Martin gives us singing lessons every Monday night. If we have additional questions, we can schedule office hours with him. Hadi prepares teaching materials the week before each lesson, and I help review these materials ahead of class. These lessons turned out to be much more successful than I was originally expecting – the attendance has been high, and people have been very engaged. Although we go over so many materials every week that I could only digest a small portion, I learned a lot about the physiology of singing. (But I am still very, very far from being able to do the right thing on command.)
For the video itself, we all turned in at least three drafts of audio recording. Every time when we submitted a recording, we had to schedule one-on-one meetings with Martin to get his feedback so that we could make improvements in the next draft. This process is extremely time consuming, but the progress is for all to see. There was also lot of positive reinforcement: when everyone started to see improvements, we became more proactive and earnest about practicing.
After everyone submitted our final recording, Martin spent probably another one to two hundred hours editing. He also recruited another friend to make the video for us. When I saw our music video for the first time, I couldn’t help but watch it five or six times in a row because I was SO proud of our group! When we first decided to make this music video, I didn’t think it was possible for us to sound so well together – the final product really exceeded my expectations, by A LOT. Our biggest hero is Martin — he led us to achieving our visions step by step. He inspired everyone to work hard together in the past few months. In addition, he probably spent more time on this project than the rest of us combined. As a result, we not only met the minimal requirements we set off to do initially, but our singing skills also improved significantly as a group. With this successful experience, I believe our next video will be even better. Once in-person rehearsals and concerts resume, I believe our group can bring higher quality programs to Ching Ching.
For me personally, this has been a very fulfilling learning journey. Before grad school, all the performance groups I participated in were much more intense. The commitment was higher, we spent way more time rehearsing, and our expectations and visions were aligned. I enjoyed being in these groups because I absolutely love the feeling of going all out and achieving big goals together with a team. This is the first time I participated in a group where people’s commitment varies more, so I had to learn to adjust my expectations and understand that everyone (myself included) has different priorities in life. I also learned to communicate and make compromises so that we can all find a commitment level that works for everyone’s schedule without sacrificing the quality of our end product.
In terms of singing skills, although I probably advanced the most slowly in our group, I still heard significant progress between my first and final recording. I used to never be patient enough to learn fundamental music theories, and I have mostly been relying on my talent to sing rather than working on developing my skills. After I joined WSingers last year, I was inspired by our conductor Karl and all the other amazing singers in the group, so I finally started to put in efforts to learn sight-reading and pay more attention to the details in each song we sing. The more I learn, the more I notice my shortcomings, and I feel more motivated to improve. After taking lessons from Martin and getting his feedback on my recordings, I learned a lot about how to make different sounds with different body parts, and I felt more comfortable exploring things that I never tried before (although that usually leads to terrible sounds). This process could get extremely frustrating because sometimes I just don’t get things even if Martin tried a hundred different ways to explain them to me, but I think what I have learned so far is definitely worth the effort (and suffering).
I finally started to understand why my dad said I would never be lost if I have hobbies – even if everything else in life is chaotic and out of my control, I know I am still making positive progress in at least one part of my life – my hobbies. Although I couldn’t see far into other directions, I at least know that on the path of my hobbies, I am moving forward.