快要三個月了，重新讀了我最近寫的五篇文章之後，我想嘗試寫一篇代入感薄弱一些、技術性強一些的文章。如果我選了一個能讓我專注於我學習到的東西而不是我的感情的題材，是否能對我的心情帶來一些改變呢？
《童話》是一首我國中時紅遍大街小巷的流行歌。雖然我對這首歌沒有什麼特別的感觸，但是一來二去聽得也熟了，偶爾在大華超市買菜時聽到，心底還會湧起一陣溫暖的熟悉。這首歌是我們為去年底青青合唱團的線上公演製作的（坦白說，經過了兩個月的忙亂，我壓根兒忘了還有青青公演這回事了……）就像我們之前錄製《追光者》一樣，大家每個禮拜一晚上認真上課、上繳多份錄音，Martin 也很仔細地幫我們點評、帶著大家一起進步。雖然後面的影片製作過程我基本上完全沒有參與，但是看到成品之後，我相信負責的同仁們一定投入了無數的心血和時間。
我一開始原本對這首歌興趣缺缺，一來因為我自覺無法好好掌握和發揮這首歌的感情，二來因為我們前年嘗試唱過，但是效果並不是很好。今年有了《追光者》的成功之後，我對我們的小組（還有我自己）的信心提升，我也發現即使我對一首歌無法產生強烈的情感共鳴，在練習的過程中還是可以學到不少有用的技巧。因此，即使這首歌的練習和製作對我來說都遙遠得像上輩子的記憶，我在尋找新的寫作題材時還是想到了它，也想到了去年在疫情的衝擊下、在媽媽離開前，合唱曾經帶給我的快樂和慰藉。
為了唱好這首歌，我首先著重練習的部分是我的低音域，因為這首歌即使是女高音對我來說也偏低。我以前一直以為音域是天生的，而我的低音域無論是音色還是穿透力都比較差。我在舞台上習慣揚長避短，所以對於音域較低的歌曲一直是比較牴觸的。直到準備2018年底青青公演時，我才發現原來我能穩定發揮的高音域還能繼續向上推升，我第一次意識到原來在某些範圍內，音域是可以靠後天的練習擴張的。後來一年多因為選曲的關係，我大部分的時間都專注於穩定我的高音域，這對我來說也比往下拓展我的低音域容易一些。直到為了唱好這首《童話》，我才開始探索要如何把低音唱好。唱低音對我來說是陌生的，一開始 Martin 教的技巧對我來說也太抽象了些，所以我經歷了一段充滿挫敗的撞牆期。具體有哪些失敗的嘗試我已經記不清了（去年九到十月間發生的所有事在我腦海中幾乎是模糊一片），不過後來讓我終於稍微開竅的是想像自己說話（而非唱歌）時發聲的方式，還有一點鼻腔的咽音。在我錄《童話》時，我對於這些新技巧的運用還不是很成熟，但是我後來唱《平凡之路》時，即使中間已經隔了兩個月沒唱歌，我也明顯感到低音輕鬆了不少。若不是因為《童話》的練習，我或許根本唱不了《平凡之路》吧？當然，我進步的空間還是很大。現在我已經掌握了一點竅門，相信透過不同的歌曲和持續的練習，我依然可以繼續進步，把兩個八度唱好唱滿，在過渡聲區間也能平穩地轉換。
另一個重點練習的部分是我的音色。我們的領導 Martin 對我音色的評價是悅耳但是沒有特色，而且永遠都是一種風格——不管是什麼樣的歌曲，被我一唱都成了民歌。我一開始並不是特別在意，因為我唱的是合唱，沒有特色代表我更容易融入其它聲部，尤其我們小組歷來的編曲女高音都是合聲，本來就不應該太突出。但是我們這次把《童話》的獨唱分成四段倆倆對唱，而跟我同組的 Leo 的歌聲大概是我們之中最有個人特色、唱起流行歌來最有張力的人了。為了要和他的音色搭配，一開始我也吃了不少苦頭，一來因為我太習慣於自己原來的曲風，所以任何其他的嘗試聽起來都說不出的彆扭（這或許就是踏出舒適圈的感覺吧！），再來就是不知道為什麼 Martin 給我的建議我要不是無法理解，就是完全理解錯誤，朝相反的方向一去不復返。有好一陣子我彷彿是盲人騎瞎馬、茫無頭緒，每一次失敗的嘗試都讓我越來越煩躁、越來越沮喪。後來我們找到的解決方式就是請 Leo 先把他的獨唱錄好，我錄音的時候就聽著他的錄音唱，而不是聽標準的鋼琴伴奏。他這樣類似於遠端帶著我唱的結果，就是即使我對這首歌沒有感情，他也能激發我對他詮釋歌曲方式的回應、帶出一些我的音色中不曾出現過的元素。後來我比較著我一開始聽著鋼琴伴奏的錄音和聽著 Leo聲音的錄音時，感覺就像兩個不同的人在唱歌。要交最後一版的錄音時，Leo 已經為了照顧爸爸回到台灣，他在美西時間的半夜趕著把錄音帶錄好，接著Martin通宵剪輯，讓我隔天要錄音時能夠聽著這段後製過的錄音，好好發揮。錄完音的結果大家都很滿意——我想，若不是這兩個人接力著幫忙我，我大概永遠都不會跳出民歌的框架吧？我現在還沒有辦法隨心所欲地切換我演唱的曲風，大部分還是要靠著聽其他人的歌聲作出回應，但是我現在已經知道了我有辦法不把每一首歌都唱成民歌。或許多一點人生經驗、多一點閱讀、多聽一點其他人對歌曲的詮釋，再加上多一點練習，以後我也能演繹更多類型的歌曲。
我們的影片還沒開始製作我就回台灣了，後來一個半月基本上壓根兒沒想起這件事，等到我下一次看到我們的影片時，已經是製作精良的成品了。有著Martin幾百個小時後製的加持，錄音的品質我就不多說了。而且我們這次只有八個人，卻有十個聲軌，所以音樂的層次或許比我們現場演唱還更豐富些。影片裡無論是背景的星空、顏色的搭配，還是人物的位移，都令我非常驚艷，我認為這是繼《追光者》之後一次飛越式的進步，我想要感謝小組裡每一個人，努力提升自己的歌唱實力、配合進度上交錄音帶、齊心協力製作影片，我們才能有最後的成果。我也特別感謝那些曾經幫助我或是激勵著我進步的人，讓我在生活中的一切彷彿因為疫情而停滯不前時，還能在唱歌這一方面有所突破、踏出自己的舒適圈。其實將近一年來我對雲端合唱已經有些疲勞了，從台灣回來後更是如此，但是無論如何，我都會記得我在雲端合唱期間的學習歷程：我的每一次嘗試、每一次失敗、每一次突破。如果我繼續唱歌，我希望能保持著這樣的動能，持續學習、持續進步，就像爸爸曾經告訴我的：「即使只是興趣，也要用對待專業的態度來做。」
It has been almost 3 months. After reading through my five most recent articles, I was hoping to write something less emotional and more technical. If I pick a topic that makes me focus on what I learned instead of how I feel, will that change my mood a little?
“Fairytale” was an extremely popular song when I was in middle school. Although I was never too impressed with it, I am fairly familiar with the melody. Sometimes when I hear this song at 99 Ranch, it still brings me warmth and a sense of familiarity. We recorded this song for Ching Ching’s annual performance last December. (To be honest, after two months of chaos, I had completely forgotten about the annual performance.) Just like how we prepared for “Light Chaser,” we took classes with Martin on Monday evenings and submitted multiple drafts of our singing. Martin would give us feedback diligently and make sure the group continues to make progress. While I did not participate in the production of the video, I can tell whoever was in charge put in a lot of time and effort.
At first, I was not very interested in this song. For one thing, I didn’t think I could bring this song to life given I could not really empathize with its underlying emotions. Secondly, we did try to perform this song in 2019, but I didn’t think we did a very good job. After our success from “Light Chaser” this year, however, I felt more confident in our group (as well as myself). I also noticed that even if I could not resonate with a song or bring its emotions to life, I could still learn some useful singing techniques as I learn to sing it. Therefore, while I remember very little about the process of rehearsing and recording this song, it still came to mind when I was searching for a more technical topic to write about. To some extent, it also reminded me of the happiness and comfort that virtual singing brought me during the pandemic, before I lost my mother.
In order to sing this song well, my first area of focus was the lower part of my vocal range. (Even the soprano part of this song was a bit low for me.) My timbre and projection have never been great in the lower range, and I thought there was nothing I could do about it because I used to think our vocal ranges are born. Since I am very used to highlighting my strengths and hiding my weaknesses when I am on stage, I have always tried to avoid songs in the lower range as much as possible. It wasn’t until Ching Ching’s annual performance in 2018 did I find out that I could actually expand my vocal range by learning new techniques and practicing them. In the following year, because of the songs I was working on, I mostly focused on stabilizing the top of my vocal range, making sure that I could not only hit a high note, but also sing it beautifully. This came to me more naturally than expanding further into the lower vocal range. Thanks to “Fairytale,” I finally started to think about how to sing my lower notes better. In the beginning, singing in the lower range felt quite unfamiliar, and the techniques Martin taught me was too abstract for me to grasp. Therefore, I went through a very frustrating period when I was just going around in circles. I couldn’t remember all my failed attempts – in fact, I couldn’t remember a lot of things from last September through November – but what eventually worked for me was I started to imaging myself talking (instead of singing) in the lower range, plus a little bit of nasal twang. When I recorded “Fairytale” at the end of August, I wasn’t mastering these new techniques quite yet. However, when I recorded “The Ordinary Road” after I came back from Taiwan, it was a lot easier for me to hit the low notes even though I hadn’t sung a single song in two months. If it hadn’t been for “Fairytale,” perhaps I would not have been able to sing “The Ordinary Road.” Of course, I still have a lot of room for improvement, but now that I have learned a few tricks, I believe I can continue to improve through practicing and a more diverse selection of songs. I hope one day I will be able to sing two full octets beautifully and transition through the passaggios smoothly.
Another area of focus was my timbre. Our captain Martin thought my voice was nice but not very distinguishable. Also, I pretty much only had one style – no matter what song I sang, I would turn it into a folk song. This never used to bother me because I am a choral singer. If my voice is not distinguishable, that means I can blend in with others in the choir more easily. In our group, the soprano part has historically been the harmony instead of the main melody, so there is no real reason for my voice to be distinct. However, this time we split the solo for “Fairytale” into four sections of duets, and my duet partner Leo probably has the most distinguishable, most climactic voice in this group. In order to match his voice, I went through a pretty difficult learning period. Since I have been very used to (and very good at) my folk song-style singing, it felt extremely weird to try any other style of singing. (Perhaps this is what it feels like to step outside of my comfort zone.) I was also having a lot of trouble understanding Martin’s advice. Sometimes I even interpreted his instructions wrong and spent a lot of effort going towards the completely opposite direction – I wasn’t just not making progress; I was making negative progress. There was a while when I felt like I was a blind person riding a blind horse, and every failure made me more and more frustrated. Eventually, what ended up working was I asked Leo to record his part ahead of time, and I would listen to his tape (instead of the piano from MuseScore) when I sang. This way I could respond to how he interpreted the song when I sang even though I wasn’t emotionally connected to the song itself. His voice also brought out something new in my voice. I compared my voice when I listened to Leo to my own voice when I listened to MuseScore, and I sounded like two different people – it was quite magical. By the time we had to turn in our final recording, Leo was already back in Taiwan taking care of his father, but he still managed to record his part at midnight before the deadline. After that, Martin stayed up all night to edit Leo’s tape so that I could listen to a polished version when I recorded my own part. We were all quite proud of the end result – if it hadn’t been for Leo and Martin tagging teams to help me, perhaps I could never have broken out from my default singing style. As of now, I still cannot switch between singing styles and change my timbre on command. Most of the time I have to listen to how others express their emotions in a song and respond accordingly, but now I at least know that I am able to sing differently and not turn every single song I sing into a folk song. Perhaps with some more life experience, more reading, more exposure to how others interpret different songs, and more practice, one day I will be able to command a wider spectrum of genres.
I went back to Taiwan before the group started to make the video, and this project basically didn’t even cross my mind in the month and half following. By the time I saw an update, it was already the very well-made final product. The sound quality was phenomenal – thanks to Martin for putting hundreds of hours into post-production (again). In addition, while there were only eight singers, we had ten tracks (the duet and the full chorus). Therefore, we probably sounded fuller and richer in the video than if we had sung live. I am also extremely impressed with the video editing – the starry sky in the background, the color arrangement, and the transition between singers. I think we made a big leap forward since “Light Chaser,” and I am thankful for everyone in the group for accomplishing another milestone together. We would not have been able to get to where we are without everyone’s hard work in improving our singing skills, turning in recordings on time, and working together to make the final video. I am also particularly grateful for those who have helped me and inspired me to improve – while everything in life seems to become stagnant due to COVID-19, I am at least still stepping out of my comfort zone and making progress in singing. Frankly speaking, I am starting to get tired of singing virtually, especially after I came back to Taiwan. (It just feels too different from rehearsing in person.) However, I will always remember my learning experience in the past several months – each one of my attempts, my failures, and my breakthroughs. If I continue to sing, I hope I can keep this momentum and keep learning, keep improving. I hope to live up to what my dad once told me, “Even though it is just a hobby, still pursue it like a profession.”